Please Don't Break My Heart |HEROPHINE| Book #1

Chapter 21

Jo
Numb, I feel numb. It felt like my heart has been ripped out single handily out of my chest. Leaving a stabbing pain that soon became numb.

I don't know what to feel anymore. Should I be angry or should I be sad moping around ? I really don't know. It feels like my whole life was going down the drain, slowly but surely. I have no sort of emotion left.

I made sure to pack enough clothes for my self. I don't know when I'm going home, I don't want to—not yet anyways. If I do decide to leave Hero for good, I will make sure that he still gets to see Londyn and Leilani when they are born. This last thing I need, is for my child's go grow up without a father.

I want them to get the love I never got from my father. I want them to always feel safe around Hero.

I'm in the Uber, on my way to Kath's. I left Hero a sobbing mess. In the Uber looking through the window of L.A's dark sky, thinking about every happy memory Hero and I made together. The tears started to fall down my eyes said. I guess I do have some emotions left after all. But why am I wasting my tears? He's the one that cheated on me. Was I not enough for him? What,did I get too fat? Because I sure as hell feel fat. I feel fat everyday for the past month— causing me to feel very insecure and not wanting Hero to see me naked anymore.

This caused me to barely eat, so I won't be surprised that I have a eating disorder after I give birth. I have to wonder who he cheated on me with, was she skinny and petite , more beautiful than me ? What does she have that I don't ?

I'm now at Kath's apartment, crying my eyes out, literally. Fuck these hormones. "We've been together for two years, two fucking years Kath!" I sobbed "why couldn't he come to me? What did I do wrong,this is my fault! Was it because I'm fat nowadays ?" I continued. "Shhh, no baby sis, no no, don't say that, you're not fat. Don't ever say that you're beautiful just the way you are, pregnant or not" she reassured me.

"No I feel fat, I look fat I look like a fucking air balloon!" I sobbed into my palm. "Josephine Eliza Langford!" She screamed. "She the fuck up you're not fucking fat! Don't forget that you have not one but two babies growing inside of you! If Hero wants to go fucking cheat let him, you should be stressing out that especially since you're fucking pregnant. Okay ? So stop, just stop being insecure because Hero's dumbass cheated. You're Josephine fucking Langford for fucks sake. You know I love you and Hero together but what he did is fucking fucked up and trust me I want to rip his head off his body and chop his fucking dick off for hurting my little sister. You know I would've taken you to a club and have some fun and forget about him, but you're pregnant so let's have some Hawaiian Punch and watch some Netflix" she said giggles and the send of her sentence and I joined her giggle too.

"I love you" I whispered pulling her into a hug. Kath's right, but I miss him. Even though he did me dirty. I miss him. I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss his corny jokes. I miss Hero in general. Should I call him?, I mean I didn't give him a chance to explain. I picked up my phone to call him, but I decided against it, I need time. Time to think, time to process everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.

I need time to think about my birthing method. I know I decided to have a C-section but that means I'll need extra time off work so I can heal properly. I didn't get the chance to tell Hero that. But I guess it wasn't my fault. It was it? Was it because I didn't let him see me naked anymore? Was it because we didn't have sex like we use to? Was he sexually frustrated that much, that he had to go to somebody else for a release? All these thoughts and still no answer.

I remember when Hero and I met, it felt like... love at first sight like most would say.

"Hello is this Josephine Langford?" The person asked over the phone. "Yes this is she, may I asked who this is ?" I asked. "Oh sorry, this is Anna Todd, the author of the 'After' series. Holy fucking shit. The Anna Todd, I'm taking to Anna fucking Todd. I've never think this day would come. You see I auditioned for the character Molly in after, but sadly I didn't get the part.