The Lies We Tell

Chapter 7

Lunch.

For the first time in a very long time I was dreading going to that cafeteria. That was where the entire student body could get a look at the sad girl, the girl who lost her father.

Not to mention I was almost definitely going to see Ryan.

Still, I was determined to act like nothing was wrong. I joined the lunch line and about halfway through I felt someone right behind me. "Can  I talk to you?" a voice asked quietly near my ear.

It was all I could do to not turn and punch him for doing that. "I'm sure you can. After all, you did just talk to me to ask me that." I raised an eyebrow at Ryan. "What is it?"

"I want to apologize."

"For what?" I moved down the line and he followed, staying so close I could almost feel the heat from his body.

He glanced around before leaning in closer. "The kiss," he whispered in my ear.

I ducked and glared at him. He raised his hands and took a step back. "I didn't know you actually did it."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I meant for trying to. I shouldn't have assumed that's what you wanted. I mean, you'd just had a pretty hard day." Understatement, but accurate. "There's one more thing I have to tell you, though." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. I had a feeling where this was going, and I had some very mixed feelings. "I like you, Evelyn," he said  in a quiet voice.

My jaw went slack and my mind went blank. I didn't say anything back to him, even though it was obvious he was waiting for me to say something.

After a few moments, he nodded. "Well, I guess I'll see you around." He leaned his head down and looked at me through his lashes. "Later, Evelyn." He walked off.

Had I just made a huge mistake? Did I miss my chance?

I reminded myself he was with Courtney. Even if he wasn't going to be with her for much longer, they were together at that moment. There wasn't anything to start or end.

Still, I couldn't shake that little feeling that every chance I could have had was now gone.

---

When I got home, I broke my 'take Monday off' rule and began writing. I had 2 hours alone in a silent house and, even though it wasn't unusual at this time of day, I knew I couldn't catch up on my homework or work on any extra credit assignments like I normally do.

Especially not with words in my head that were demanding to be let out.

So I began writing.

Writing is something I've always turned to. Eventually I began to turn to videos as well, but nothing felt better than putting everything into the written language.

I opened Wattpad and began writing a new story, about a girl who had a good life and, in one day, everything got screwed up. It was different than my other stories. This one was filled to the brim with every feeling I'd been shoving down over the past week.

Before I knew it, I'd been typing for 2 hours straight and I heard the front door open. Mom was back. I paused, listening to her footfalls. It felt eerily similar to that night. I grabbed my headphones and listened to music while I wrote. 

Honestly, the time I was writing is kind of lost to me. Thinking about that night, I never realized I had started crying. The words blurred in front of me, yet, somehow, I kept typing by instinct.

The night pressed on and by the time I finally took a breath, it was well past midnight and the story was nearly done. I was exhausted. Both mentally and emotionally. Not to mention I had bad cramps in my fingers and hands and forearms.

Despite that, I was proud. For the first time in a while, I was proud. What I had written wasn't a masterpiece by any means - nothing I wrote was - but I was proud of this. It was the most emotional story I'd ever written.

---

"Evie!" Riley shouted. Some people in the cafeteria turned to look at us and I blushed.

I ripped my eyes away from the door and looked at her. "What?"

Mary and Riley exchanged glances. "Told you," Mary said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Riley asked what you were staring at-"

"I wasn't staring at anything!"

Riley raised an eyebrow. Mary tried to hide a smirk. "Evie, you were staring so hard at something you didn't hear a word we were saying," Mary said.

I glanced at the door again. Ryan hadn't come to lunch yet. "I really wasn't staring at anything," I lied. "My mind was going over video ideas. I just happened to be looking in that direction."

They exchanged a knowing glance, but they didn't push it. While annoyed, I was grateful. I wanted to think about Ryan in peace. Maybe there was nothing I could do, but maybe there was something. After all, Courtney had been here by herself at lunch.

After my long writing session, I'd accepted my feelings for Ryan. I liked him. I liked him a lot. I was done lying to myself about that. It wasn't nothing, and it wasn't okay. He had a girlfriend, and he likely hated me. I wanted to find him and clear things up with him. The only problem was that he didn't seem to have come to school and he wasn't showing up for lunch.

I kept an eye out for him all day, but he never showed up. So I did something I hadn't done in a long time: hang out with the only people that I felt I fit in with.

Under the bleachers next to the field football players were holding their practice sat four girls. They were the source of all gossip and knowledge in the school. They were also considered the underground fashionistas of the school. They made their own clothes from things they got from Goodwill and other resale stores, piecing together outfits that were always unique.

Ignoring the shouting going on on the field, I walked over to them. "Hey," I said. They all turned to me and smiled.

Miranda pat the grass by her. "Hey! Come sit! How have you been?"

I lowered myself to the ground and crossed my legs. "As well as you'd expect, I suppose. Did any of you see my last video?"

Chichi reached over and pat my knee. "Oh, honey, we are so sorry you've been having to deal with all of that," she said. I smiled at her. She never minced words and always spoke exactly what she meant without a hidden meaning. It was probably the first time since the accident I hadn't felt upset in any way about being told sorry.

"Thank you," I said, feeling myself tear up. I took a deep breath, trying to push the sudden emotions down. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of anyone.

They all looked at me for a moment before discussing the QB. I listened to them quietly, thinking about how to say what I wanted to ask.

"I didn't see Ryan today," I said, trying to sound aloof. "He okay?"

They paused for a moment. I knew they probably would. After all, I never asked about anyone by name before. Miranda smiled at me knowingly. "He's here today. He just had a doctor appointment at lunch," she said.

I almost wanted to sigh in relief, though I didn't quite know why. Instead, I just nodded and leaned back on my elbows. The four of them sent little glances my way as they talked. I let all of their words surround me as I relaxed. Something about them made me more comfortable than when I hung out with the people I call my friends. These girls even knew me better - they could tell how I felt and what was going through my mind.

Not for the first time, I thought about changing to hang out with them instead of Riley and Mary. Or maybe inviting them to hang out with us. After all, our groups weren't at odds. We weren't so popular that the school would be shook over it. They weren't so popular that people would be mean to them for coming inside to eat. There would never be any vicious rumor they wouldn't hear about first and put a stop to.

The only person I ever really heard say anything about them was Lexi, but she didn't have much room to talk. Especially considering who her boyfriend was...