The Lies We Tell

Chapter 13

I told Ryan a little about what happened to Jared, keeping his last threat and a couple of other things to myself. Still, he stared at me with a furrowed brow for several moments afterwards. He pulled his hand away from me and sat back. "Does Courtney know about any of this?" he asked.

I shouldn't have been surprised he asked this, but I was. "Yes."

He gave me a skeptical look. "How do you know?"

"I just do."

"No, someone had to have told you."

I crossed my arms. "Even if someone did, I wouldn't tell you."

He crossed his arms. "Miranda, right?" I raised an eyebrow but didn't respond. He sighed. "Come on, Evie."

I shook my head. "Ryan, are you here to spend time with me or to ask about my personal life?" As I watched him, a worst case scenario came to my mind. I let it flow over me and my eyes widened as I realized it must be true. "Out," I said. I pointed at my door. "Out of my house."

He stood but didn't move. "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I'm asking for me."

I stood. "Okay, Ryan. You're asking for you. My answer is the same. But I think we both know where you're going once you walk out that door. Tell her it's not going to work with me." I walked around to him and began moving him to the door.

He walked, but stopped when we reached it. "I had no idea what happened," he said. "I didn't even know any of them back then." There was something like urgency in his voice.

I ignored it, only feeling the pain in my chest. "So?" I opened the door. "You're still going to run back to her."

"I really do like you, Evie," he said as I gave him a final shove out the door. "I won't tell Courtney if you told me who told you."

I closed the door on him, on his words, and locked it. So what if he liked me? I went back to the kitchen and began putting things away as the tears fell. The moment I finished, I ran to my room and fell onto my bed.

Betrayal. That, above anything else, was hurting me. Ryan said he wouldn't, but I knew he was just going to run and tell Courtney. She sent him here. I couldn't betray Miranda any more than I had. Underneath that feeling, I had told someone about Jared. I had spoke out loud about him. I never wanted to tell anyone, and yet I told Ryan. Then I threw him out of my house. What if he really did like me? What if that wasn't a lie? I was sure I'd done the right thing, but I still felt awful.

---

After I ended my tutoring sessions with Jared, I had a feeling it would take a bit to get my 5.0 back. Especially since I didn't want to go to my guidance counselor. It was October, after all. I felt like I had time. I spent more time hanging around Miranda and her friends. They weren't aware, but I started mentally keeping track of everything they said about Courtney and Lexi and Jared so I could use it later. I wanted revenge.

It's not something I'm proud of, but I wasn't thinking straight. I was so mad and so hurt and so scared that nothing else was coming to mind.

About that time one of them suggested YouTube. Miranda, Chichi, Heather, Whitney, Riley, and Mary all supported me, gave me video ideas, and helped me film bits for my videos. After just a little urging, I fell in love with making videos. YouTube became my full-time distraction. I began writing down video ideas in a notebook that I still had more than a year later. I regularly added and used the ideas in it.

That first month, though, are my least favorite videos. They weren't all that good and only half thought out. When I made those I was still plotting my revenge, but, at some point, I forgot. I let it go.

It was around that time I began writing as well. My fans - I didn't think of my YouTube audience that way, but they considered themselves to be that - still didn't know about my Wattpad.

Somewhere along the way, I started moving forward and let my mental wounds heal. I put it all out of my head and eventually weeks would pass before I randomly thought of Jared. But that day when Ryan tried to kiss me, I felt the breath on my face and suddenly I saw Jared. I saw all of those memories much clearer than Ryan standing in front of me.

---

I was thankful it was Friday on my drive the next morning. One more day to survive, and then the weekend. The only downside was that I'd have to come back on Monday and pass another week.

Out of habit, I turned on Riley's street. I knew she wouldn't be waiting for me, but I still decided to go ahead and drive by. Mary was coming from the other way and pulled in as I passed. I had already figured that's who was picking her up now.

I felt a stab of hurt and disappointment. They didn't want anything to do with me, and I didn't need anyone who was willing to abandon me like that. It wasn't okay.

At school, it took a lot to make myself get out of my car. I was self-conscious about how I looked as I hadn't worn this outfit before. I had black jeans and a red top with a black jacket. I had perfected my makeup. What made it worse was as I walked into the building, heads began to turn. I wore this to do that, but not theirs. The only heads I wanted to turn I wouldn't see until lunch.

Unless I looked for them.

I flicked my hair off my shoulder as I walked in the building. More people looked at me as I made my way to my locker.

Maybe I should search them out.