Seabound-SKZ

Chapter Eighteen

Chan had cried, but now he was staring numbly in the mirror, the knife still in his hand, blood slowly trickling down his arm. He hadn't realized what he was doing, pressing the blade against his wrist, one cut at first, then two, three, four...seven, he dropped the blade, hands shaking violently, spots of red decorated his white button-up, he until the shirt quickly, hopefully, he could get the blood out of it later but for now, he just wanted to be out of it, he wrapped his wrist as well as he could, throwing on a new shirt, hands still shaking as he buttoned it up. His mother knocked on his door, "Chan?" She knocked again and he panicked, throwing the bloody shirt into the corner and drying his eyes as best as he could, "Yeah?" he cursed his voice for the way it wavered, "Are you alright? open the door, Chan." She demanded, he sucked in a deep breath and unlocked the door, opening it slowly "Hey, mother..." He said, pulling his sleeve lower and rubbing the back of his neck, "Why were you crying?" she brushed past him "You aren't a child anymore, Chan." he nodded, whispering an apology, she nodded sharply, "get your appearance together, son. we must greet the governors and the duke tomorrow morning." he bit his lip to stop more tears from coming "Yes, Mother." He flashed a weak smile and she pinched his cheeks, not the way Jeongin did that made Chan feel good, but in a way that made him feel like a child; like he didn't know anything. his mother left, head still held high and barely sparing Chan another glance as she closed the door behind her. 

Chan fell onto his bed, hands over his face, feeling like he was about to burst from the emotions bubbling up inside him, after the day he had cried to the Mers' he was having trouble with keeping up his strong face. he hugged a pillow to his chest, burying his face into it and whispering out apologies, to his father, his mother, the Mers'...he cried himself to sleep on his bed, eyes still puffy in the morning when Jinyoung pulled him out of his bed by his wrist, wincing at the pain, still fresh from last night, Chan sat up, rubbing his eyes and Jinyoung smiled brightly at him "Good morning, highness!" he said happily, way too happy for a person who was awake at five in the morning, "Morning," Chan groaned out, his advisor pushing him into his closet to get changed, "I laid out your clothes for today, sir!" Jinyoung told him, and Chan silently thanked whatever god was up there for the long-sleeved shirt, he got changed quickly, running down the stairs to meet up with his mother. 

They mounted their horses, well Chan did and his mother got into her carriage, riding in silence towards the pier where the ship had docked, Chan taking the lead, flanked by Jinyoung and another member of the staff who Chan didn't recognize. The civilians' had come down to watch the governors, dukes, and their daughters come off their ship, the dresses, and the dripping jewelry proving their wealth as they waited for someone to lower the gangplank, Chan remembered his royal training and reached a hand up to help them walk down it, letting them use him as balance. there were six girls, two of which the Duke's daughters, three to one of the governors, the last one to the other governor. the royals would arrive the day after, their kingdom much further away. each of the girls curtseyed to Chan but none of them seemed to truly want to be there, which Chan completely understood. They stood awkwardly to the side while their parents spoke, studying each other carefully. Chan recognized them, he hadn't seen them since he was very young and his parents threw parties all the time, leaving the children to play together. He didn't see the brother of the Duke's daughters, who he had sparred with when he was small, but when he asked his sister, who Chan remembered to be Ada, she just forced a small smile, "He was lost only a month ago. Pirates boarded his ship, He could not fight them off." Chan dipped his head "I'm very sorry for your loss, my Lady." He said, and the other sister, Briar, nodded "Thank you," She paused, looking toward her sister and friends "We hope to reconnect with you, Prince Chan, it has been many years since we last saw you and your family." 

Once again, His mother got into her carriage, this time most of the daughters joining her and the Duke and governors as well as the remaining girls got into a separate carriage, which left Chan to ride back up to the palace with only Jinyoung. His mind reeling, trying to keep his emotions in check and not let them show on his face. He could still feel the stinging on his wrists, the pain felt good to him. he knew he deserved to feel that pain, deserved to bleed, deserved every bit of the burning sensation running up his arms. He dismounted at the palace gates, purposely rubbing his arm against the harness to press the cuts in, making them sting more. 

He once again walked next to the women, he was trying to remember the which name went to which one of the governors' daughters, the three sisters looked so similar it was difficult to tell while the last was much younger and he had never met her, and if he had it was when she was so small it was impossible to match the baby to the young girl she was now, she looked to be around five or six and Chan felt bad for the tiny girl struggling in her skirts, he knew her mother had run away shortly after she was born so her father had no choice but to bring her places with him. His mother had told him to be nice to her, the poor girl had enough in her life without one of their allied kingdoms crown prince being rude to her. He offered her a hand after she tripped on a loose brick in the ground, the little girl looking up at him carefully before taking it, "Thank you," Her voice was so soft Chan could barely hear it, "You're welcome," He said "We haven't met yet, I'm Chan," He waited for her to respond, she smiled at him, Chan's heart softening at the sight of it, "I know, my name is Violetta," Chan nodded, "Violetta, it's a very pretty name." She scowled, "It was my mothers, I do not care for it." with that, the conversation was over, the girl still holding Chan's hand for balance as Chan desperately tried to keep her hand from sliding up his arm and revealing his wrist.