𝖍𝖆𝖟𝖊. (𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖞)

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖊.

kenny mccormick.

i'm eighteen now, the last, conclusive days of senior year and i'll be graduating without the person i fell in love with. positive point, i'll be the first person in my family to graduate from high school, maybe even university.

"dude,

i can't wait till we graduate,

all alone after that,

but together,

do you get what i mean?"

"i completely get what you mean,

but it's going to take a while though."

"stop being cynical,

and enjoy these times with me."

what i'm trying to hint at is that i need to take my mind off him, get over him. my life can't be ruled by this, i am strong. that's what craig would've wanted me to be, to say, to do.

"kenny!" turning around, stan runs up to me, nearly flying into my arms, "why the fuck were you walking so fast?" shrugging it off, stan and i saunter to the bus stop. after the whole graveyard incident, i'm not sure what to say.

maybe even before that as well.

"just thinking to myself, i guess," i tell him while tugging on the straps of my worn-down backpack, "absent-minded brisk walking, yeah, that's it," stan nods, swallowing hard. the obstinate silence devours me from inside as he nervously fiddles with his watch.

the bus is oddly silent, but i don't care, "how are you doing? cartman and kyle fucking miss you," stan quirks an eyebrow, "i know that you've been visiting craig and everything, but we'd like to help you. y' know, like we can hang out sometime."

nice.

"that's cool," i nod, intertwining my fingers in my hoodie's pouch, "yeah sure, we can hang out again. just tell me when, and we'll do it," stan cracks out a sad, half-assed smile. as soon as we reach my stop, i hurry out of the bus, not being able to sustain even more situational anxiety.

nervous demeanour.

instead of wandering back to my house, i take a turn to the tuckers. standing in front of the door, i raise my fist, contemplating if i should knock or not. if i should turn away or if i should stay. the throbbing headache grows worse as i drop my arm beside me.

forget it.

sticking my hand back in my pocket, i stroll off. southpark being southpark, it starts drizzling. shielding my head from the cold, hard rain, i flip my hood over my head. something i haven't done since i was twelve. the way back home seems unfriendly, surreal, and i don't even know why.

my parents aren't home.

nor is kevin.

the only one home is karen, and i don't feel like bothering her. god, all of a sudden my sister's fourteen and we can hardly connect. being a teenager is hard, and it sucks to realise that when you're not a teenager anymore.

things do come to light when you're older,

which sounds fucking lame.