Hybrid

Chapter 30

The days drag on without Max by my side. It feels like each day gets easier yet harder at the same time. Being apart from him still hurts like a bitch, but it's a little easier to manage the pain every morning I wake up. On the other hand, knowing it's getting easier to be away from him makes it hurt that much more. I don't want it to get easier. I don't want it to exist at all. I don't want this pain of missing Max to become the new normal.

I spend my nights curled up in Max's bed, the blankets enveloping me in his scent. It's one of the only ways to satisfy the constant drive for him inside of me. It's the closest I'm able to physically get to him. Mara stays in the guest room across the hall, only ever leaving my side when we go to sleep.

We spend lots of time with Molly and Mason. The four of us watch movies in the basement, go swimming, play on the playground, and color. We color a lot. Molly has become almost as attached to me as Mara is. She still doesn't talk much, but Mason fills the silence enough for the both of them.

My stomach is slowly growing. If I listen closely enough, I can hear a faint heartbeat. I'm up most nights with my hands resting on my bump, the steady thump-thump of the heartbeat lulling me into a half state of sleep. I feel like I'm never completely asleep. It's too hard to let myself drift off when there's a constant worry for Max in my mind.

On the second full day of Max being gone, I made a countdown until the solar eclipse. Half of the days are crossed out now, big red X's drawn in each box at the end of each day. Fourteen more days. If we pull this off, fourteen more days until Max is back in my arms.

I'm still laying in bed, although I don't know what time it is. I'm sure it's at least eleven, but I haven't checked my phone yet to really know. Getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day. Once I force myself to stand up, it's easier to move around and do things. It's just getting up and knowing I have to do it all over again.

The bedroom door flys open, and Mason comes rushing in in a blur. He launches himself onto the bed, and the action reminds me of Carter. Speaking of Carter, the two of them would make fantastic friends. Maybe tomorrow I'll bring Mason and Molly to my house, and we can all go swimming in our backyard.

"Brynn, wake up!" Mason urges, gently shaking my body as if I wasn't already awake.

It puts a smile on my face as I say, "Okay, I'm up! I'm up!" The laugh that escapes his mouth after I sit up causes my smile to grow.

"After lunch can you take me and Molly to get frozen yogurt?" he asks, bouncing up and down on his knees. It makes me laugh.

"Yes, but only if you go wake Mara up now," I tell him.

Mason doesn't waste any time in launching himself off the bed and out the bedroom door. I hear the bedroom door across the hall swing open, and his voice yell, "Mara! You have to wake up!"

Now that I'm alone, the loneliness of Max's absents hits me again. Not wanting to fall into that hole today, I force myself to swing my legs over the edge of the bed. It's a lot easier said than down. My legs feel like they way a hundred pounds a piece, and moving them is nearly impossibly.

Once my feet are settled on the floor, I stand up and walk into the bathroom to pee. I got lucky in the morning sickness department. I've never had a rude awakening in the morning where I need to bolt and barely make it to the toilet.

I pee, brush my teeth, and roughly to try to comb through my hair with my fingers. I give up and throw it into a messy top knot instead.

I change out of Max's boxers and t-shirt and put on my own pair of shorts and a tank top. As I leave Max's room, I hear Mason and Mara downstairs. I go to meet them, and they're sitting at the kitchen table with Molly. Julie's making sandwiches in the kitchen for us all to eat. I sit down at the table, and Molly doesn't waste a second in crawling onto my lap. While we wait, I start French braiding one side of her hair, the silkiness making it easy to do without a comb. She sits patiently the entire time.