Colby
"What the hell are you doing, Colby?"
I stare off at Emma's room, a sinking feeling in my bones, the kind of feeling that's lighting up warning signs in my head, telling me that I just fucked up everything with Emma.
We're just having fun. Fuck, why the hell did I say that? My initial thought was to protect Emma, to save her relationship with Sadie. I thought if I made what we have between us seem casual, Sadie wouldn't be as mad, but it had the reverse effect. Instead, I hurt Emma.
"Colby, go after her?" Sadie says.
I rake my hand through my hair, my heart pulling in Emma's direction, but my head fucking with me. "Why did you come here?" I ask, malice in my voice.
Sadie takes a step back from my unwarranted anger. "Emma left her book in my car, and I wanted to make sure she had it. Why are you angry at me?"
"Because," I snap while I start to pace the room. "Because you're the one thing that could fuck up this whole thing."
"Me?" Sadie points to herself. "How could I possibly be the reason to fuck up anything between you and Emma? First of all, I had no clue anything was even going on between you two. Second of all, I've moved on, Colby, so Emma should have nothing to worry about in that department, unless . . ."
The way she trails her sentence off grates my nerves. "Unless what?"
She takes a step forward and I take a step back. She sighs and continues, "Unless you haven't moved on."
"I have," I answer quickly. There is doubt in my mind that I have. I don't look at Sadie and wish she were still mine. I can't. I feel like my heart has moved on but not my head. Isn't it usually the reverse? Isn't it the heart that takes longer to heal? If that's the case, then why am I still all caught up in my head, like there's a giant roadblock there, stopping me from making any goddamn progress?
"If you have, then there shouldn't be any worry in Emma's eyes." Sadie gestures to the pictures on the mantle and then around the living room. "This seems like a hell of a lot more than just having fun. And from the way Emma has been MIA lately, I'm going to assume what's going on between you two means a lot more to her than the casual fling you portrayed."
"It means more to me too," I say softly and pull on my hair. "Fuck."
"Does she know that?"
Frustrated and angry at myself, I direct that anger at Sadie. "I really don't need a fucking counseling session from you right now, Sadie."
Not taking my shit, she steps forward and pokes me in the chest. "It sure as hell seems like it. Tell me, if I went into the second bedroom, would a crib still be in there?"
My eyes snap to hers, rage blasting behind my lids. "Go ahead, Sadie, fucking talk about the baby we lost, see where that gets you."
"You can't keep living in the past, Colby."
"I was doing fine before you showed up."
"Were you? Or were you just pretending you were fine? How can you ever be fine, Colby, if you still have the past resting in a bedroom a few short feet away from Emma's room? Does she even know what's behind that door?"
I shake my head, hating myself, hating how fucked up I am, hating how Sadie's miscarriage still hollows me out into a shell of nothing every time I think about it. Every time I think about her.
"How do you think she feels then? You devalued what you two have in front of me, the person she's probably most terrified of when it comes to you because of our history, and you still have things hidden from her?"
