Heaven

3) Closer

I was now sitting in the clearing and I was so deep in the forest, that even sunlight had its problems to shine through the branches of the trees. I sat my suitcase right next to the biggest tree that I saw and sat myself beside it. I took the shining clean and sharp knife out of the suitcase and placed it on my lap.

Just looking at it brought tears to my eyes, it was so beautiful in my opinion that it did not deserve to be touched by my skin or anything really. It was a family gift from my grandfather before he died years ago.

Funny thing is as a little kid , I found it so interesting and nice of him to give it to me, but obviously I could not get to keep it till my parents knew they could trust me with a fricking mini sword.

I took a closer look at it and saw the familiar family sign on the knife, just above where you are supposed to hold it. It was simple but perfection at the same, the sign symbolized the moon and in the moon was ,,Luna " written in a cursive writing, which basically meant moon in Latin. I never got the chance to ask why this was our family sign but I actually did not care because I think it was beautiful.

Suddenly the feeling from this morning came back but ten times stronger, I almost let the knife fell to my lap again but fortunately caught it mid air.

That was not expected, I thought it was just because I was hungry earlier. I tried to focus on a tree that was on the opposite side of where I was sitting. To be honest the feeling wasn't that bad but I did not need any distractions right then. It lasted a lot longer than last time, I think maybe 20 minutes but I had no watch to see what time it actually was.

The warm feeling went away and as I saw up to rest my head against the tree behind me, I gazed up to the clear blue sky.

It was almost time for fall therefore this weather will not stay forever, so I decided to appreciate this moment before I end my relationship with earth. At least I got to do it near Mother Nature and my body will be a source of life for her, I hope so. Taking the knife in my hand, I realized that I will be soon with my whole family again. Mom with her familiar smell, dad with his secure strong arms and my older brother with his contagious smile.

Ending my life was my plan.

Being reunited with my family was my plan.

Get to my heaven was my plan.

And I want to do it because I am not Katherine anymore, the girl I was, was taken away along with my family, my heaven and now I will follow them as well, so that I actually will be able to feel something.

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English is not my mother language so please excuse my grammar and spellings.
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-L.i