The Early Chronicles Book Three: Narnia and the North

Chapter 10

Goran seemed more brooding and serious than usual when they made camp that night.  They had reached the lake that Grallowbuffin told them about and now the horses were drinking the fresh water gratefully.  The general was hurriedly rushing about, doing any task that needed to be done.  If he ever did stop working, he seemed to sneak away from the group and keep to himself.  Swanwhite finally worked up her courage and approached him when he was around the lake a small ways and was cleaning his boots. 

"Are you all right, general?" 

"I am well."  His voice wasn't convincing.

"I see."  She stooped down by the water beside him and began cleaning Kismir's bridle that she had just taken off of him.  They sat in silence with only the sound of the water trickling from their hands and the scrubbing on the leather.  Swanwhite searched her memory for what could be upsetting him.  Was he upset that she had fallen asleep on his shoulder the other night?  But this was far too long afterwards and he had put his arm around her shoulder rather willingly, so no that couldn't be it.  Had she said anything?  Was he merely angry at the Giants?  Was he afraid?  Her frustration overcame her nervousness and she stood up quickly.

"General, you are not yourself.  Please tell me what is troubling you."  She said in a commanding voice.  Goran's shoulders stiffened and he slowed his work for a moment, but resumed it quickly.

"Are you commanding me?"  He asked without looking up.

Swanwhite hesitated, "No, I won't command you.  I'm asking you... as a friend."  He froze when she called him "friend".  She was afraid she had ruined her connection with him but she kept talking.  "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.  I just want to lighten your load.  You're doing a lot for us, General."  

His muscles relaxed as she spoke.  She watched his rigid shoulder muscles gradually contract until they slumped inward.  Then he stood up and threw his boot down.

"This is my fault.  Those Giants could have killed us all today and it was because they recognized me.  I should never have made all of you come on this journey.  I've put everyone in danger because you're with me."

Swanwhite stopped him and gripped his shoulders to make him face her.  His eyes still looked away.  "Listen to me."  She hardened her voice.  "You did not force us to do anything.  We all volunteered, remember?  Every last one of us.  If anyone made anyone go it was me since it was partly my idea.  We knew what we were getting ourselves into, but we also knew the consequences if we didn't come."  He still wouldn't meet her gaze.

"What if something happens to Laurel?  Or Thasian?  They're both too young and inexperienced to be doing this."

"Do you even remember what happened at the Great River?"  Swanwhite laughed in spite of herself.  "I should think Thasian would have proven himself then.  And any other girl would have fainted or burst into tears and thrown a fit and demanded to go home, but Laurel has shown immeasurable courage.  When I was her age, I'm not sure I would have shown that courage she has."  

"What about you?  My duty is to protect the queen, not bring her on a quest that gets her crushed by rocks because a Giant recognizes me."  Emotion actually cracked in his voice and his deep blue eyes finally locked on hers.  She was taken aback for a moment but quickly recovered herself and spoke gently.

"It comes with the title, General.  This is the queen I want to be.  I don't want to send my men to do things I wouldn't do myself.  You have gone above and beyond your duty to me, and to everyone else.  I am eternally grateful for that."  She squeezed his shoulders tighter and saw by the emotion in his eyes that she was getting through to him.  The general had never shown this amount of vulnerability before, and it was slightly startling at first, but soon it melted away as Swanwhite was relieved to see more of his heart.  He took a few deep breaths and looked away for a moment.