Broken

Fake

~They think I'm ok, they think I'm perfect. Inside these walls I'm hurting~

The rest of that day I just sat there. I didn't move. I didn't bother getting up to clean, I didn't want to go into the living room and see my mom passed out with some sort of bottle, like always.

Life was useless. Then again, I should be used to this, used to bad things happening to me. My body instantly went into a feeling of numb it was accustomed to. For the rest of the night I sat there. I couldn't sleep, I drifted off a few times, but the most sleep I got was 4 hours.

The worst part, I had school today. My alarm clocked buzzed as I sat there. I knew I had to get up. If I didn't go, everyone would know that his death affected me. Even if my dad's death did affect me, I couldn't have everyone knowing that.

I had a reputation to uphold. Everyone thought I was perfect, I had to keep it that way. I got up my body wanting to weigh me back down as I walked through my room. It was a complete mess, a mess I was gonna have to clean up. I stepped over the broken things and hopped over glass, as I made my way to the bathroom.

My body ached but for now, I'd have to deal with it. I arched my back as hot water hit my body. I let the steam consume me for a while, before stepping out of the shower.

After blow drying my hair, and applying make-up I got dressed. I didn't feel like being fancy today, but I had to dress halfway fancy, to keep from any suspicious questions. I decided on an open cardigan with a blue tank top, nice jeans, and blue vans. I flat ironed my brown hair and stood in the mirror.

As much as I wanted to smile and be satisfied, I never would be. I hated myself. I was a fake. I hated that, but I had to be. I wanted to admire my long brown hair that went right above my hips. I wanted to admire my deep ocean blue eyes, that matched my blue vans and blue tank top. I wanted to admire my near flawless face. But I couldn't, never could. I was fake as hell, but I was the only one who knew that.

I walked into the hallway and all eyes darting to me. I felt even worse knowing everybody knew about the death and all attention was on me. I went to my locker, then my usual "friend" Jane, approached me.

"Hey rose, how ya holding up?"
I put on a fake smile before turning to her "I'm fine."
"Great!"
The hallway went back to its normal busy conversations, and she went on with her senseless chatter.

I didn't want to even be here. It made it even worse, that throughout the day people pried me about my father's death. I had to put on a fake smile and be the fake girl and say everything was ok. I wasn't.

I sat in 7th period only 5 more minutes. Throughout the day I was quiet, I didn't want to talk. Yet, I
had to talk just enough to pretend it didn't bother me. I had nothing to do with my life. Going to school was being a fake person, and now going home I had nothing to do. Dad was gone, but not like he was there anyways.

Mom was always passed out on the couch with a drink in her hand, high, or somewhere doing hell knows what with men. My body didn't get up until everyone left the classroom. I trudged slowly with my books and my teacher was nowhere to be found.

I put my books in my locker and I glanced into the principals office. I had to do a double take as I saw a kid. I couldn't examine all his features since he was far away, but enough to see he was clearly handsome.

I watched for a little as he and the principal talked. His eyes caught mine through the door as I looked away and started to walk out of school. My eyes wandered and my brain thought.

All I was thinking was "Who is he?"