I don't think I have stressed it enough how I love and hate my name at the same time.
Hiraya Carylle.
It's like a fusion of an ethnic and foreign name my Filipino children's book writer father came up with.
He wrote a lot of stories involving boys and girls alike who had wild and distant dreams. One wanted to land on the moon, the other wished to reach for the skies. And however impossible or far-fetched their dreams were, how bumpy the road got, they still went for it.
Hiraya Manawari is the literal translation of "reach for your dreams". But in ancient tagalog, hiraya was used to deeply mean "sana" and manawari used to mean "matupad".
So, when I was born, pops thought it was good to embed that hopeful attitude that comes with the phrase within me (through my name), so in the future, I'd have enough courage to reach for my own stars.
I love the depth and meaning behind it but I hate how my awful memories from gradeschool still haunt me.
I was too dumb then to feel like an utter pile of shit because my name sounded "too old" or "too tribal".
Anyway, ang tawag sakin ng pamilya ko ay Ray as in /raɪ/ and my friends and the people from school call me Carylle.
Hindi naman talaga big deal sakin how people address me but this certain person na kinulang yata sa aruga as a kid thinks it's funny to call me Hiraya na parang close kami.
"Pst, pst Hiraya!"
Lord, ayan na naman siya.
It's the third time this week that I bumped into him habang naglalakad sa quad, and it's also the third time he called up to me like we were friends.
The first and the second time, he just waved at me kasi he was with his friends (mr-sunflower-nice-guy and someone I haven't really seen around the university).
"What's up, Hiraya?" sabi niya ulit sakin habang sumasabay na sa paglalakad ko. Daig pa niya ang araw sa pagiging bright and sunny. Annoying.
I stopped and breathed shortly. I turned to him and said, "Uy, ikaw pala. Anong kailangan mo?"
Bahagya siyang natawa. Nakita ko na naman ang ngipin niya. Pwede talaga pang-toothpaste commercial.
"So.. you're really just gonna pretend na ngayon mo lang ako napansin? You hurt my feelings, miss." sagot niya habang kunwari nasasaktan sa bandang dibdib niya.
I looked at him with question marks all over my face. Napansin niyang hindi ko naiintindihan ang humor niya kaya nag-ayos siya ng sarili niya bigla.
"Anyway, I searched you up on Facebook, pero wala akong makita. Blinock mo ba ako?" pambibintang pa niya sakin.
"Wala akong facebook," bored ko nalang na sagot imbes na ubusin ang energy ko sa pakikipagtalo sakaniya. May work pa ako hanggang 7 P.M. 'no.
May gana pa siyang mag-weh na parang ang imposible ng sinasabi ko.
I had facebook naman, ang saya nga maglaro ng Farmville or Pet Society dun eh, kaya lang I don't find it useful enough anymore to fill a massive space sa phone ko.
"Wala nga? Paano kita icocontact niyan if may tanong ako about sa Yugen Night?" he asked na parang hirap na hirap siya maghanap ng sagot.
"You just want to have my phone number, do you?"
Bigla siyang natahimik. Hindi niya yata inaasahan ang pagiging straightforward ko. Isa pa, pinsan niya si Sir Naveen. He could just ask him if he wanted?
I handed him my phone before he could even react. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Number," I said na walang kagatol-gatol. He typed his digits for a while and handed my phone back slowly.
When I looked around, sakto nasa parking lot na pala kami. Lumapit na ako scooter ko at sumampa.
"I'll text you when I've got time," sabi ko habang nagsusuot ng helmet.
"And, stop calling me Hiraya. Hindi tayo close."
I left him dumbfounded. I really can't stand men who thinks they're all cute and can get their way out of the things they want.
Palabas na ako when I heard him call my name.
"Hiraya Carylle!"
"Yes, I really just wanted to get your number!" sigaw niya ulit.
"I will wait for your text! Ingat!"
Hay. What do I do with this one?
-
It was an unusually busy Wednesday at the Study Hub. Akala ko hindi namin kakayanin ni Anne kasi puno talaga lahat ng study corners and tables kanina.
By 7:14 P.M. I was already on my way home.
Iniisip ko palang yung dapat kong basahin for our world literature class, pagod na pagod na ako.
I could just cheat my way out of things and use Course Hero but my conscience wouldn't let me. I had all weekend to read but I let my lazy ass took over me and just watched How I Met your Mother the whole time.
I thought, no one should be as hopeless romantic as Ted Mosby. With his unending eagerness to get a girl, he wound up hurting himself countless of times.
Anyway, I went straight home to grab dinner, and Alex was there drawing something for her Anaphy class.
I couldn't disturb her so I just settled to do my own thing and delved into my thick readings. This time, we have Asian literature.
Of all Asian texts, I find Japanese short stories really confusing and difficult to debunk e.g., In a Grove by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa. The story turned around seven different accounts of the murder of a Samurai, and each person had different accounts of the incident. It was too tricky to really know who the real killer was. Was it the robber, the wife, or the Samurai himself?
Ahhh. Ang sakit sa ulo. When reading becomes a school responsibility talaga, it's so difficult to enjoy it.
I spent the whole night reading and highlighting the parts I liked. I slept the earliest possible time I could and woke up just in time for me to prepare for my next class.
While parking, I felt like I forgot to do something. It's too bad kasi I can't seem to remember it.
Hinayaan ko nalang yung strange thought na yun to pass and let my day unfold.
Baka maubos brain cells ko kapag ipinilit ko 'no kaya huwag nalang.
If it's so important, it would just simply pop out of my head. I just need to give it more time.
