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〘｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ⇢ 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜↴ 〙 this is just a story of exactly whats going on with me and alvaro. i just needed to vent and i couldnt talk to anybody because they dont understand how i feel:/
.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・．.・゜゜・ 𝓪𝓵𝓮𝓳𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓿
every picture i see of him, i wanna sob. it doesn't feel right without him. it was just yesterday we were having fun, talking, his sweet giggles and laughs filling the silence. its so hard without him by my side, i don't fit in here. he was and still is my everything. i finally thought it was gonna be a forever and we wouldn't have a rough ending, if it ever did end.
but i blew that out the window when i left.
i slightly jump when my phone buzzes. i sigh before shifting my body to see my phone, instantly regretting it.
aloe vera!😋 why'd you switch up?
i let out a heavy sigh as sobs wreck over my body. i feel so numb, so out of place. i shouldn't have done what i did, yet everyone tells me its not my fault and that i did nothing wrong. but i can't help but feel weak every time i do something. if i go and reach for my phone, my heart gets heavy. if i try to speak, the words get caught in my throat. if i get up and walk, my legs feel like jello as my stomach feels empty. i wanna throw up, but theres nothing to throw up. i can't eat, i feel sick if i do. i'm nothing without him.
Alejandro :/ i didnt feel welcomed mattia and kairi hate me there and so do others it wasn't your fault. i still love you a lot delivered 7:38 am
i shouldn't have done this. i just wanna be a nobody, i wish nobody knew my name. i wanna be able to go in a group and not be known, and someone have to ask whats my name. i feel useless. a waste of space. i feel like i can't breathe, it all hurts too much. i just can't manage this pain any longer.
i sigh one last time, wiping my tears away as i lay back in bed. hopefully gonna get some sort of sleep.
｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ⇢ time skip!
my eyes slowly flutter open, me slowly regretting ever waking up again. i stare at my ceiling thinking over my last moments.
say one last thing to him, and go.
dont leave and move on.
just die.
hot tears roll down my face as i get up, grab my phone and walk to my bathroom with a limp. i open our messages and send my last text;
Alejandro :/ if it makes you feel any better i wish i never left anyway i hate it here i cant find somewhere and not be hated. its never okay for me i always end up hurting. i love you so much 'varo.
i sigh as i put my phone down and reach for my pill bottle one last time.
"goodbye" i whisper one last time before downing the pills.
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idk anymore i feel so numb.
i cant breathe i feel stupid and weak and i just dont know anymore
