The Killer Fix

Chapter 18

Cradling a large mug, sitting at a high table facing the window, with hanging plants and twinkling lights overhead, Riley watches the early evening traffic. The smooth acoustics playing in the background are almost lulling her to sleep. She can't remember the last time she felt this calm. Looking around the nearly empty coffee shop, then back into the foam covering her latte, her mind wanders to deep and dark places. Past everything that's going on in her life, past the life she knew a year ago, or the life she knew ten years ago. Hoping if she travels back far enough the strained thoughts will dissolve. 

But when she gazes out the window and sees Gray across the street, it seems to happen automatically. As he walks through the misty sunset towards her, his eyes meet hers from afar. Dreading the thoughts and feelings that arise in her, she looks down at her hands, clenching the coffee mug. For the first time there appears to be space in her mind for a new concern. She now finds herself wondering what will happen when this is all over. Will Gray disappear from her life? Will she ever see him again? 

As the bell tied to the entrance rings, Gray makes his way to the barstool next to hers. After asking the waitress for a coffee, black, he directs his attention to her. Still unable to look at anything other than her hands wrapped around the mug, she tries to wipe the uneasy look off her face. 

'Hey, you okay?' 

Tossing him a glance lasting only a second, forcing the corners of her mouth to raise, she nods. 'Yeah, fine.' Hastily, she snatches her bag off the ground and pulls out the CH Tech document. 'Here's what we found.' 

As she pushes it along the table towards him, he quickly begins to read. This gives her a moment to pull herself together. 

'Lily Hanley, that's...' 

'Bryn's mother.' Riley cues in. 

'You think she's doing all this?' 

Focusing on the problem at hand relaxes her a bit, and she can think clearly again. 'I don't know. But she's involved, that's certain.' 

As the waitress places his coffee in front of him, Gray quickly thanks her and turns back to Riley. 'So, what do you want to do?' 

'I have to tell Bryn, tonight...' As she looks back out the window, at the now entirely darkened streets, she considers whether or not to ask something that's been on her mind since last night. The borders of her confusing alliance with Gray have been expanding, if not blurring, and she's uncertain how personal she can get. But if she doesn't try, it will continue to bug her. 

'Gray, who's Julie?' 

Putting down his coffee, he pauses as he looks at her, finally nodding gently as if inwardly deciding to share his secrets. 'Julie was... Freddie's sister. She died two years ago of a drug overdose.'

'Were you and she...?'

'We were... complicated.'

'Why does Freddie blame you for her death?'

'Because I was supposed to be looking out for her. I was careless, left her alone, and now she's gone.' The memory is clearly still torturing him, though he tries to put on a brave face. 

As Riley processes she can't help but draw a conclusion, one that answers a question she's been asking herself for a while. 'So that's it...' 

Gray's dark eyebrows form a puzzled expression as he studies her. 'What?'

'I've been trying to understand what it was that compelled you to risk your life and your cover to help me. But I understand now, it's about Julie, isn't it? Are you trying to make up for it by saving me?'

'It's not like you're just some replacement for Julie. I admit, she did come to mind when you first asked me to help you, and she was part of the reason I said yes. But things have changed since then, it's not about her anymore...' 

Though fearing the answer, Riley can't help but ask the question on her mind. 'What is it about then?' 

His eyes say so much, but he can't bring himself to speak, equally afraid of the answer. So instead he finishes his coffee and stands up. 'Come on, I'll take you home to see Bryn.'

∾

Having suffered through the day in her childhood home in Weston, and the flight back to New York, Bryn has settled on the rug in front of the fireplace. While staring into the flames, she contemplates the loveless relationship she maintains with her mother, the complex connection she shares with Milo, and the friendship with Carrie that seems to have disappeared along with Carrie's memories. And then there's Riley, who she's known her whole life, but has begun to doubt. And just as Riley enters her thoughts, she appears in the doorway to the living room. 

Unsure how to begin the conversation, Riley walks over and joins Bryn on the floor. While warming her hands to the fire, she carefully initiates eye-contact. 'Can we talk?' 

Slowly nodding, Bryn decides she's ready to try and hash this all out. 

'Look,' Riley begins. 'I know things have been a little... difficult between us. But you still mean so much to me, you're my best friend. And with everything that's happened, I don't think I can deal with all of it without you.' 

'I know. To be honest, I miss you. I miss how things used to be, before Carrie's kidnapping, and Noah...' Taking a moment, Bryn gathers her thoughts. 'I don't think I'll ever truly understand what was going through your mind when you and Aaron... did what you did. But I'm doing my best to forgive you, I really am. Because the last few weeks, the things we've lost, they've put things in perspective for me. And I want to hold on to what I still have. Sofia, Alice, Milo... you.' 

In a rare moment of pure bliss, assured she still has her best friend, Riley smiles genuinely. And as Bryn returns the smile she thinks of the memory that has been haunting her for a while, a feeling it gave her that she's been desperately wanting to share. 

'You know, I've been thinking a lot about my dad these last few weeks. How you and Carrie were there for me after I lost him, during those dark moments, keeping my head above water. I want to be here for you now, the way you were back then.' 

Riley is surprised to hear Bryn speak of her father, in the seven years since Michael Hanley perished in a car crash Bryn has barely ever mentioned him. Sensing Bryn's hurt, Riley reaches out to hold her hand. Realizing how grateful she is for this moment, and unable to bear the thought of hurting Bryn any further, she decides to keep the information about Lily to herself. She can't risk breaking Bryn's heart before knowing with absolute certainty that Lily is behind all this. 

Everyone has suffered enough, it's time to get answers.

After waiting for Bryn to go to bed, Riley soundlessly sneaks out the back door, circling around the dorm house. Hiding in the shadows, she gazes at the pickup parked out front. In the dashboard light, she can spot Gray sitting inside. She can hear the radio playing from afar, the volume turned up with the purpose of keeping him awake. Though he promised her he'd go back to his place, get some sleep, she knew he wouldn't. 

For a minute, as she watches him, she second-guesses herself. Her head wishes to be ruled by fear, but she quickly rejects the urge. It's time to face her enemy. 

Taking a step back, making sure he doesn't see her, she whispers to him. 'I'm sorry, but you've risked too much for me already.' 

Then she turns around, to sneak through the backyard, over the fence and into the night.