bittersweet | taekook

ten | epilogue

years upon years passed in the blink of an eye. taehyung got to witness countless things – even some of the things that he didn't have a choice in. they were both good and bad memories; benefitting him in their own way since they allowed him to grow as a human.

his graduation was one of the best moments that he could witness. the fact that he graduated proved that he was capable of learning; capable of being able to interpret the countless situations thrown into his face; capable of understanding emotions. along with the capability of getting good grades, of course.

upon entering college, he would set aside his studies and focus more on work to earn money for tuitions, then he'd study during the night-time. throughout the continuous shifts at the tattoo parlour, he had gotten himself tangled in the life of his new love interest – a person who repetitively visited him to help with his college work after being fascinated by the man. taehyung was thankful – really. it wasn't long until they shared their first date together, followed by many more as time went on.

then it all passed – the proposal, the wedding and even their first child. a new member had been added to his family and taehyung was forever thankful to be able to cherish the moments with those who made him happy.

right before his eyes, the child grew. he grew up into a young boy – it was hard to believe, but sooner than later, his son grew his first teeth. his son grew his hair so quickly that it had to be cut repetitively to maintain the short, trendy haircut. his son grew so much that he was soon able to reach that top shelf that his father had prohibited from approaching – for the safety of his child.

as his son continued growing, another bundle got added to the collection – a daughter with a puppy. taehyung – with his son, partner and puppy – all watched the younger girl take her chance and grow as well. they were all precious moments that taehyung couldn't bear to forget and in order to keep the memories forever, he took photos of his kids.

of his kids having their first bath; their first time walking; their first bike ride.

it was truly sweet.

yet tiring.

so, in the evenings when the kids were tucked away for bed, taehyung would let out a long and relieved sigh. he would climb into bed with his lover; often wrapping an arm around them to pull the person's head onto his chest. he would gently plant a kiss onto their forehead before tucking a hair strand behind their face.

the night-time was the most relaxing time – he was alone with his thoughts.

whenever the clock finally struck midnight, he would climb out of bed and slowly walk towards a box that was hidden in the back of a certain drawer.

taehyung's eyes glazed over this box that was hugely cherished.

inside, there was a photograph. one, small polaroid photograph.

who was in it?

taehyung and his first love – jeongguk.

when talking about the best moments of his life, taehyung can without hesitation admit that jeongguk was the best of the best. jeon jeongguk – the boy who slept on the bridge. the boy whom he happened to meet by chance. the boy who held a lot of meaning to him.

meeting him was the happiest moment of his love due to all of the time they spent together. together they slept, they joked, they suffered. it may have only been over the course of a few months, but taehyung was amazed.

truly amazed by the satisfaction of falling in love. he remembered glancing upon jeongguk for the first time in his life – the poor boy was sleeping alone on the bridge, in a child's pose to keep himself warm.

but jeongguk was also one of the worst moments of his life. taehyung grieved over his death for months on end; not being able to overcome the pain. taehyung didn't even know the extent to which jeongguk suffered alone... all alone without even once expressing his emotions.

taehyung put on a hoodie, grabbed his keys (along with the photograph) and left the house. for the first time in years, taehyung left the house in the middle of the night to revisit the bridge that happened to be accommodated nearby.

along the way, he could envision various flashbacks where him and jeongguk would walk, would piggyback or would even run together. hand in hand. almost every day.

taehyung was usually quick on his feet yet for some reason, the steps he took were the heaviest and slowest today.

those sombre steps didn't help him one bit – with each step, felt like he was being punched in the heart. that added further onto his pain.

but not before too long, he arrived. taehyung had come to dreaded place that he desperately wanted to forget about, yet he could never bring himself.

the middle of the bridge.

taehyung leaned against the railing and hesitantly looked up into the sky; already feeling the emotions welling up inside his body – clearly showing evidence of having been held in for years.

"hey, jeongguk..." taehyung spoke into the empty sky. it was the middle of the night, yet not even the moon had appeared. he was all alone.

just like jeongguk had been.

"it's been far too long since i've been here." he spoke after the pause. "i could never bring myself to come here. not after th-that day."

he juggled some thoughts in his head, questioning as to how he should proceed with his words.

"did you know it's been... seven years? yeah, that's right. seven years. you could've been by my side if things didn't go wrong, did you know that? did you know that i've suffered for seven years as well? i could never understand how bottled up you must've felt – or how empty you might've felt."

taehyung felt a sudden wind breeze crash into his face; engulfing him. it stopped his tears.

"is there any chance that you're here as well? perhaps you're leaning against the railing as well, on my left. maybe on my right... i wished you were on the right side. then you could've gone on the right path."

taehyung glanced to his left, hoping to see jeongguk.

there was nothing.

taehyung turned his head to the right, and could only envision an image of jeongguk; staring back at him with a smile. that tsundere was hard to crack open, so getting him to smile was truly a challenge.

he sighed. "jeongguk, why? did you do it because you considered it to be safe? wasn't it the safest way out of your misery? i'm sure that's what you said to me... wasn't it?"

the pair of eyes glanced down onto the image he was holding – the only photo in existence where jeongguk had once shared a genuine smile.

the smile was gone.

taehyung wanted to crumple up the paper badly; he wanted to tear it apart and rip it into pieces so that he could let him go.

he couldn't.

taehyung held onto the only thing that still reminded him of what jeongguk had looked like.

"jeongguk, did you know that you were the most bittersweet moment of my life? you were the sweetest thing to happen to me, but you also brought out the worst in me... that is, after your death."

your death.

taehyung choked on a sob that dared to escape and he couldn't hold it in for any longer – he slumped down the wall and hid his face in his palms; bringing his knees up in the process.

and for an hour straight, taehyung could only mutter the so-long dreaded "i love you" as if it was a mantra. over and over. he wanted to shout it out, he wanted it to whisper it. he wanted to do everything that would get rid of the grief in his heart.

jeon jeongguk, you were truly the most bittersweet moment of my life.