The Hunger Games: Extended Epilogue

Chatper 11: Apology

When I wake up, again, I am back in his arms, like nothing ever happened.
The sun is up, and pouring straight into the room. However, the room feels stuffy and hot and I realize it's because of the window being closed.
So, being just as careful as I was early this morning, I slip out of this grip, but this time, just to open the window.
I return back and lay down again, facing Peeta.
His blonde hair, his smooth skin, his innocence. Even when he is sleeping, he looks strong but kind, protective but trusting.
I lightly brush his hair with my hand and then am met with his blue eyes, and then with his smile.
He gives a small chuckle, "And Good Morning to you too." And I smile back.
I don't say anything, but just lean towards him and kiss his cheek and leaning back I answer, "Good Morning."
"Well that's a good way to be woken up," he says, smiling.
This is my chance, to tell him where I went. But all that comes out of my mouth is, "I'm sorry." I pause, and he looks puzzled. I was going to tell him, explain why I did, why I had to go alone, but then I returned, and I am here with him now.
His eyes, his worried eyes, looks at me while I cowardly answer with, "I'm sorry I...." Say it, say it now. "I was upset yesterday and sat in front of the fire all day.."
It wasn't what I wanted, or even intended to say, but it was genuine. I was sorry for that too.
He smiles and says, "Oh Katniss. Don't apologize for that, I understand why you did."
He trails off and sits up, and I do as well. But I don't leave his eyes who are now looking down at his hands on his lap.
"I should apologize for insisting going home after the- your-..." He didn't want to say it, maybe we was afraid to offend me.
So I interrupted "-you did what you did for a reason. If you did, and we continued farther in, we both know I wouldn't have been able to handle it."
He looks up from his lap, and into my eyes.
"Katniss, I don't think you know how strong you are. What you have done, your lone courage, has changed the history of Panem forever. Through the course of the games, through everything, I did my best to protect you. But, but when I was taken to the Capital, everything changed. I changed. I saw you as something you weren't and put you in the biggest danger."
He begins to cry.
And fighting against the tears, he continues.
"I'm trying, trying to get better. To protect you again. And when you asked me if you could go to the woods, I knew this was my opportunity to do so. But I did the opposite. When we left, and I saw you tense up walking through the street outside, and I knew we should have gone back. But I didn't make the effort. I didn't want you to be mad, to question me and my decision. So, I followed you. I shouldn't have let you go, I caused you so much pain... When you fell, I knew what I did. So I tried to fix it and did what I should have done from the beginning, take you back. You crying and screaming killed me inside. And knowing that there was nothing I could do killed me inside too. When we got back, I wanted to apologize. So I sat with you in front of the fire, but couldn't get myself to say anything. When you fell asleep, I carried you upstairs. I'm.... Im sorry for everything."
I had no idea he felt this way. I mean, I knew that he wanted to protect me, but I didn't ever think it was to the extent that it is.
He was still crying, which made me cry too.
There were so many things I could have said, but the only thing that felt right to do was to lean forward and kiss him.
And after a few seconds, I moved back a few inches and whispered "I love you, Peeta"
Stuttering, he started saying "But.. I.. Katniss.."
So I leaned forward and kissed him again, this time harder and longer.
I could feel his body tense up when I touched his chest and put my arm around his neck.
I wanted more, needed more. And we continued to progress.
But were stopped by a knock at the door.