See In Him

15

  Jesse was almost envious of Kennith. Even today, Jesse didn't have the guts to check himself into a mental hospital. The first one he had been admitted to had soon been closed by the state--which was a bad sign.

  "You... wanna check yourself in, Kennith?"  The boy nodded. Jesse clenched his jaw and nodded silently. Now wasn't the time for talking about hospital stays, now was the time for Jesse to be a medical professional. He took a moment to think, Does he need some kind of beta-blocker? He's sweating really hard. A bath, maybe? Should I keep trying to ground him somehow?

  "We can visit the hospital tomorrow, okay? Right now, we just need to get you calmed down, cool?"

  "Mhm," Kennith mumbled. He looked tired. From the other side of his hair, the man could see the boy's watery eyes drooping.

  "Do you want an ice pack? Something to drink?" Jesse could feel the heat radiating off him, but he also didn't want to move Kennith just yet. The pressure of the chaos would weigh on him for the next little while. "Can I just get water?" the boy replied.

  "Of course." Jesse stood and went about getting Kennith a drink. He was careful not to step on any shards in his socks. From the sink, he could see the paint chipped off the cabinet and the scattered pile of glass on the floor. He didn't comment.

  "Here." Jesse criss-crossed his legs on the floor in front of Kennith. The boy didn't reply. Instead, he white-knuckled the glass in order to keep it in his palm. Even with all his strength, it didn't stop shaking. "Is Mom okay?" he asked after a moment. Jesse nodded. "She's fine. Just worry about yourself right now."

  "Could've hurt her," he repeated, setting down the glass.

  "You didn't. She's okay."

  "She's scared of me now."

  Jesse wasn't sure what to say. He would be scared if someone threw a vase at him too. But now, all he wanted to do was hug Kennith and tell him that no one could be scared of him, especially his mother. They understood that he was sick and between medications. The stress had been high lately. It was nasty concoction.

  "Kennith, she isn't scared of you. She never will be. She knows you!"

  Kennith sniffled. His bottom lip trembled. His eyes squeezed shut.

  Jesse panicked. "You want to do something? You need a distraction right now."

  "Wanna sleep. Wanna die." The boy pushed both palms against his eyes and shook his head. He was crying again.

  Jesse kept a level head, but still paused. The hair in Kennith's face and the back of his shirt was still soaked with sweat. He needed a warm, calming bath. He needed something to eat. He needed a hell of a lot of sleep. But Kennith could get all of those if he wanted. What couldn't he get? What wouldn't he allow himself?

"Can... I hug you, Kennith? Do you need one?"

  He sobbed. It took a moment for his arms to raise half-heartedly, shaking with the effort.

  He had really given in that easily? Jesse certainly wasn't going to complain. Before Kennith could lose his strength and recoil, the man threw both arms around him and allowed the boy to finally breathe heavy sobs against his shoulder. "It still hurts," Kennith whimpered. If he wasn't right beside Jesse's ear, the man wouldn't have heard him.

  "I know. It's going to hurt for a while, but you won't be alone, okay?" Jesse could smell Kennith. It was hot and teenage and sweaty, but under that was the fresh, gentle scent of Kennith. Against the man's cheek was a wet clump of black hair that stuck to the stubble there.