i have not written anything in several days
but it is awful hard
to make something beautiful
out of wanting to die
so i did not write a poem
not on christmas eve
because it felt
like my chest was caving inward
and my spine collapsing
and my mind sinking
and my limbs shaking
and my breathing rasping
and my soul imploding
and i did not write a poem
until now
because i wanted to die
