Remember Kindergarten

Chapter 4

*Ricky POV*

'Ricky...Ricky...RICKY!' I jolt as I am pulled back to reality. I don't know how long I have been zoned out but what I do know is it is hard to concentrate right now. I have so many things going through my head that it's difficult for one to occupy my time. Is Nini really ok? Is Nini mad at me? Is Nini scared of me? Does Nini still want to be with me? Will Nini forgive me? Will I forgive myself?

So many questions flood my mind. So many different scenarios play out in my head. Like, what if Nini had died? What if I had died? What if Nini comes up to me right now and breaks up with me saying she will never forgive me, and she can't believe she ever loved me? What if...

'RICKY! Come on, dude.' Once again, I am pulled away from my own thoughts. I look at the group around me and then down at my hands knotted together sitting in my lap.

'Talk, dude, c'mon.' Big Red says, nudging my shoulder with his. I catch the eyes of everyone around me. They are all looking at me expectantly, but with sympathy and understanding present in their eyes.

'It's...it's nothing.' I say, shifting nervously on the ground. Everyone rolls their eyes in unison and gave a communal sigh at my words.

'Ricky, you have just been in a car accident. Your girlfriend who you obviously love more than anything in the world was hurt. You blame yourself even though it clearly wasn't your fault and you are worried what Nini might think because of it all.' I look at Ashlyn, slightly wide eyed. Somehow, she managed to get everything perfectly right.

Ashlyn picks up on my confusion and cuts me off before I can question her, 'You wear your heart on your sleeve, Ricky. We can all tell you are struggling with this. You haven't spoken since we left the hospital, and you zone out for ages. And when we try to get your attention you zone out all over again. We are here for you. We can help you if you help us help you.'

I look to the rest of the group. Red, Kourtney, Carlos, Seb and Gina are all nodding their heads in agreement.

'Guys,' I start, 'I'm fine.' They all drop their heads and bring their hands to their faces. I swear they have some sort of weird connection.

'Ricky, if you say that one more time, I'm gonna come over there and beat your ass up.' Kourtney says, gaining a small laugh from the group. I just give a small smile and look back down at my hands.

'Ricky, just let us help you.' Seb says. But I don't need their help. I don't want their help. I don't deserve their help. I put my girlfriend in danger. It's all my fault and nothing they can say will change that.

'Ricky...' Ashlyn starts but I have heard enough.

'NO! I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP! I DON'T DESERVE YOUR HELP!' I find myself standing up, looking down at my friends. Tears begin to stream down my face as I see all their shocked reactions. Before any of them can say anything more, I turn around and leave. I can't deal with all the sympathy. Its feels like I'm a criminal that they are trying to help escape from what they have done. I don't deserve their help because I messed up. And I have probably screwed up the most important thing in my life. I can't imagine any scenario where Nini would want to even be near me after I crashed the car that she trusted me to drive. The way she acted around me in the hospital made that clear. It was like she was scared that I was going to hurt her again. But I never meant to, and I would never mean to. But I did, and I can't get away from that.

Just as I reach the entrance of the park, I feel a hand land softly on my shoulder.

'Ricky...' Gina starts but I cut her off just like I did Ashlyn. What don't they get. I don't want their help.

'WHAT DON'T YOU GET, GINA? I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!' I yell yet again as I turn to face her. Gina does not seem phased by my yelling, however. She just looks at me with her wide eyes and tilts her head.

'Ricky, I get that you don't want our help. I do. I just wanted to remind you that we are your friends and we love you as our friend.' She smiles as she places her hand on my shoulder yet again. Before I can say anything, she places a quick kiss on my cheek and walks back to the group. I just stand for a moment and let her words sink in. I know they are my friends and I love them as my friends too. But it is still all my fault and neither I nor they can change that.

I turn back around and make my way home. Right now, all I want to do is be alone. I can't talk to anyone right now because all they will try and do is help me. But I don't need their help. I don't want their help. I don't deserve their help. I don't deserve anything good. I don't deserve anything good. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

When I look up again, I find myself not standing outside of my own house, but on Nini's doorstep. It must be habit from when my parent used to fight all the time. But I shouldn't be here. There is no way Nini wants to see me. She is scared of me. She is mad at me.

Just as I turn around to leave, the door opens. I turn back to see my beautiful girlfriend in the doorway. I can't help but smile upon seeing her. But she does not smile back. Instead she bursts into tears and runs past me. All I can do, is stand as I watch the most important person in my life leave.

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A/N

Hey,

I hope you guys like this chapter. Let me know what you think. The next chapter will be on its way soon.

Thank you to all who have voted and added this story to their reading lists :)

-olly0512