If She Only Knew

Why?

I have so much to say to her. But every time I go up to her, I feel as if I have been frozen in ice. I don't feel cold though, nor hot. I feel nothing, as if my body was holding it's breath. Waiting.... just waiting for something as if somebody else is going to talk to her for me or she can just look into me & see & know everything I want her to know. But nothing ever comes out, so their I am standing, waiting & waiting. Each time I am about to see her I say to myself "alright I will go up to her & say hi & try to carry a conversation", but I get lucky with just saying hi. Yet, I have accomplished to tell & answer her about love at first sight. She has asked me if I believe love at first sight some year ago. Well I didn't give my true answer, so I brought it up. She didn't remember. I said that I guess I do. Then she gave her answer, she said "no, I believe beauty at first sight." What does that mean?

This is just something I figure I would add as I progress to through the chapters. I figured I would keep you up a little, if you are really interest in my love life..... Yeah, that didn't come out weird at all....

Present: 12/25/14

Well it's Christmas, the time for love... The only problem, I have little love that I have actually shared. Meaning I love very little amount of people, maybe only two. My mother who has been with my through even the toughest time and the one I want to show my love to.... I have other people that I strongly care about. But not many that I would do almost anything for if something were to happen to them.This girl, I can't help it. She is on my mind so much, I hope someday she will read this and tell me her thoughts about it, then maybe I can move on. Right now I am just lonely, to be born with a heart full of love. Well who am I suppose to share it with, without them crushing it, who can I trust, who is worth the pain. This girl, I guess, is worth it. I find myself always putting myself in the line of fire, and every time I do I get shot down.

Sorry got carried away here, eh........ I'll just leave it as it is..... I had to stop myself before I go on a sad rampage of how crush I feel.... Yeah I should stop typing now before it spills anymore.