Conveyed by Animals

Butterfly Messenger

One of the earliest memories I have about death was in elementary school. It's a long story but I'm sure you'll resonate with at least some part of it.

I had one of those helicopter moms. Remember those? I'm an only child and it felt extreme, even then. My mom would be the class assistant for many school years. Even once, a boy I had a crush on gave a valentine to my mom instead of me! Being at school, she became friends with teachers and the lady that did the crosswalk.

I don't remember much about how my mom knew the couple that lived across the street from my elementary school, but I remember going to their house often. I went there by myself after school a few times.

Their names were Lea and Ken. I tended to hang out with Lea more than Ken, I don't know if it was because she loved her dog or because she was outspoken or what. Ken was quieter and I felt he didn't like me too much.

Lea had white hair that would shine in the sun. Her wrinkles would clump together when she smiled. She would watch the news or soap operas with subtitles. She began my first taste into the spiritual world. What I remember about her most, even after ten years is that she loved essential oils, past lives, and beading.

Growing up, I loved reading about Egypt. I was named after a city there and was always hungry for more information. Lea had heard me going on about it and told me that in a past life, she was a servant of Cleopatra. I looked at her like she was crazy. Lea laughed. She was so confident, I knew it was the truth and a frown came over my face. I remember thinking wouldn't you want to be Cleopatra?

I even asked her. "Don't you mean Cleopatra?"

She shook her head and smile before replying no.

I remember getting in my mom's car and I told her about it. I asked if she believed in it. She told me no, and that Lea was getting up in age. I couldn't shake the feeling that Lea was right. I kept silent as I looked out the window the rest of the way home. I thought, if anything, I'd want to be Cleopatra, but maybe that's just because I share the same birthday as Elizabeth Taylor?

Fortunately, I was able to see her on her deathbed. At this point, she would rarely leave the bed. I held her hand I was sad and scared. I didn't want her to go. I remember she told me two things: one- to do something in her name, to not let her be forgotten and two- that she would come back as a butterfly to see me. That was the last time I saw her before her death.

Middle school was the worst. Ask any American. There is drama and manipulation to the highest degree. I remember going between classes with tears in my eyes ready to fall, and I would see a butterfly and I'd say, Hi Lea. Every time I saw a butterfly, her voice would come into my head and tell me that I was strong and that everything would be okay. I'd nod and not cry after that.

As I've aged, I no longer hear her voice. I'm not sure what it even sounds like anymore, but I do know that when I see a butterfly to this day, a sense of calm that I'm not alone and that everything is going to be okay washes over me.

I've had a lot of death in my life and she was the first and only one that told me to look for her after she passed. It made it easier like she wasn't truly gone. To this day I still have some of her essential oil books, beading kits, and her own homemade runes in a bag.

The butterflies came when I needed them the most. The butterflies came when I was in pain and isolation. The butterflies gave me hope, hope that I wasn't alone anymore, at least at that moment -I wasn't. Lea was with me. I like to think we are never truly alone.