this is goodbye | zdh

death.

death. it is inevitable. morbid subject, i know. but I'm about to die. i have a few hours to live. I'm young, I'm only 21 but i have cancer. at 21 i certainly didn't imagine I'd be lying on a hospital bed almost waiting til i die, but here we are.
i am here with my boyfriend and my best friends. i have no family left. both my parents got into a car crash when I was 17. my aunt offered to take me in but then i would've had to move to New York and i liked it here in LA.
i was always someone who loved adventure even if i have cancer, but i lost that sense of adventure when my parents died, we were so close and i was lost without them. then on the day before senior year that all changed. i had spent a year depressed and sad and lost and i thought I'd never get out of that state. but then i met him. and he changed my life forever.
now I'm lying on the hospital bed with my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. i closed my eyes for a while as he played with my hair, and i let all the memories from the last 3 years play back.

~ 3 years ago ~
it was the first anniversary of my parents death yesterday. i didn't go to visit their grave yesterday because i didn't feel too good with the cancer and all. I'm feeling better today. i stopped at the flower shop and then made my way to the cemetery. i sat there and spoke to them for ages. after about an hour i saw someone come into the cemetery. it was a young boy around my age. he stopped a few metres away from me and sat down at a grave. he laid flowers and then started crying.
i went over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. he turned to look at me and i just gave him a hug. we sat on the ground like that for about 20 minutes, in silence, until he said something. "I'm sorry about that." "Don't be sorry, I've cried here a lot. what's your name if you don't mind me asking?" "Zach. I'm Zach" he replied. he gave me a small smile. "you don't have to tell me, but who is here" he asked me. I was used to people asking me now so it didn't bother me much. "my parents. they died in a car crash a year ago yesterday." "I'm so sorry..." " oh yeah I'm sorry!! I'm olivia" "well, I'm so sorry olivia" "don't worry, and you? who is... Ryan?" i asked him, reading the name on the headstone "he was my little brother. he died 6 months ago, he had cancer" "I'm so sorry, i know how it must've been for him, but know that he's in peace" he studied me after he took in what I said "wait... how do you know?" "Oh um, I have cancer..." "give me your phone" "why?" "so i can put my number in it and we can talk sometime, or if you ever want me to come to the hospital with you..." "that would be amazing Zach, thank you!" we traded phone numbers and then we got up and walked to the park.