Ocean and Alcohol ✘JJ Maybank✘

One Good Thing

For the inspiration of this chapter, you should listen to the song Already Gone by Sleeping At Last

"Mom?"

As if your acknowledgment of her was permission, the woman took a step into the hospital room. You sat backward, pulling the blanket higher up, your jaw tightening.

Your mom smiled even wider, the water shimmering in her brilliantly colored eyes. You narrowed your eyes.

"It's me, sweetie." She uncurled a perfectly painted hand from around her clutch and extended it toward you. When you flinched away, your mother's smile dropped.

"Ma'am," the nurse said as she watched your expression.

"Elma, dear-"

"Don't call me that," you said, your voice shaking. The nurse glanced between you and your mother, who had gone suddenly rigid. You kept her cold, hard gaze. Eventually, she looked down at her kitten heels, tapping her toes gently against the tile.

"Can I have a moment alone with my daughter please?" Your mother asked the nurse. Eyes wide, you looked at the woman in the doorway. When the nurse looked at you, you shook your head ever so slightly. She sighed.

"Two minutes." The nurse turned and closed the door behind her.

With that, the nurse left you with the second to last person you ever wanted to see. Instead of looking back at her, you turned your face toward the wall, refusing to let her see your face. You didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

"You've grown so much," she said as she lowered herself into the chair that Ms. Lana had just been sitting in. You squeezed your eyes tight, nose starting to burn. She sighed as you tried to keep your breathing steady. "I know you're angry-"

You spun around to face her, suddenly no longer caring that she could see the tears in your eyes.

"Angry?" She seemed absolutely unphased by your outburst. "Angry? I am so beyond angry."

"I did what I had to do for my health, sweetie, I'm sure you can understand that."

"Your health?" You choked out before gasping in a few short breaths. "What about Kid? Huh? What about his health?"

What about me?

"Leaving you and your brother was the biggest regret of my life." Her voice broke as she shook her head. You watched a tear roll down her cheek and you scoffed.

"Then why did you?"

Your mother clucked her tongue, shifting her lips as she looked away from you.

"I couldn't stand to look at your father after what he did. And, honestly, I couldn't look at you either. Just picturing...." She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "Do you have any idea what that did to me?"

"To you? You weren't the one who was raped, Mom!"

"I couldn't stand to look at your father after what he had done," your mother repeated, her voice tighter. "And I couldn't live with the fact that you didn't tell me that your...your baby's father was Gerald."

You lifted your good hand to shield your eyes in hopes that she wouldn't see you cry. Pressure squeezed at your chest, making it hard to breathe. Tears rolled off of your eyelashes like rain, hitting your hospital gown.

"Mom...."

"I'm sure it never would have happened anyway if you didn't rile him up so often."

"You said it wasn't my fault," you sobbed, shaking your head as you tried to get one good breath into your lungs. You were already feeling lightheaded. "You told me it wasn't my fault."