Somewhere safe

Here

New years eve... How I hate this time of the year!

People expect me to be smiling and happy but, well, I'm not! Sometimes it's just hard to keep hiding my feelings, but I guess I'm doing an amazing job. Nobody seems to notice the dark rings under my eyes, my sudden lack of interest in things I loved to do, my lack of appetite, my scars and even how lonely I was. Well, perhaps that was my fault...

But, here I was, lying in my bed, trying to sleep, but, instead, I am thinking... Or over thinking.It's amazing how I can't escape from this dark world, my mind, that only opens at night. Sometimes, I just wish that my mind could remain blank, without any guilty feelings and emotions, but how can I make them stay away if I am guilty? Guilty for my father's drinking problem, guilty for making him leave and guilty for not being what my family expects me to be: strong.

School was going to start in three days, and I ensure you I didn't expect it to be different from the other years. Yeah, I wasn't popular , but I also wasn't at the bottom of the school hierarchy. I had a wide circle of acquaintances and a few true friends. To be honest, only two, but they were truly my friends, because as far as I remember they have always been there for me during the ups and downs of the roller coaster that my life is. Kaya, the girl that all the guys want. Her eyes shined like evening skies and her short hair was as blonde as the morning sun. I was her opposite. Beyond the stunning appearance, she was kind and the sweetest person I ever met, she couldn't hate anyone. We have been friends since forever and that was the way we wanted it to be: Forever. Now with Shane is a different story...

*Flashback*

"Kaya? Where are you, I'm not feeling well! Kaya?" I shouted, trying to find my friend in the crowd. Suddenly, something cold was wrapped around my waist so I screamed, but my mouth was soon covered. In a blink of an eye, I was dragged to an empty room with someone I couldn't recognize. The strange figure began to approach me and trying to take off my clothes. I started panicking and asking for help that's when I thought it was useless. The music was so loud that nobody could possibly hear me.

"Let her go, dude!" I looked at the door shocked.

"Or what?" said the man who was obviously raping me. And then everything happened so fast that I only woke up the next morning with a huge headache and next to a hot guy, Shane.

*End of the flashback*

He and I became friends since that night. And he was the only one who knew my struggle with self-harming. Even Kaya didn't know. I just couldn't tell her something so obscure that would probably change the way she looked at me and the way she was used to see the world. On the other hand, Shane radiated confident and mystery. He had a different vision of the world and that was what I liked the most about him, because, with him, somehow, I felt safe, I felt loved and that I was worthwhile.

I couldn't deny the way I felt about him, I surely had a crush on him since the day we met, but I couldn't ruin our friendship so I had to hide it, yeah, because I'm really good at hiding my feelings...

I'm a liar,

Always hiding a sad face,

Saying that I'm tired

When I really want to run away

Shane, with those hazel eyes that could easily penetrate my soul, and his dark brown hair that resembles chocolate, was my hero, my everything, but I couldn't let him know.

"Sarah..." When I was about to fall asleep, a noise from outside made me jump from my bed. Being the first day of the year, it was normal that drunk people would be walking around the neighborhood, but this was different, someone was calling my name.

"Sarah," the same voice repeated and I frowned. That's when I decided to got up and started walking towards my window. I took a look outside, but found nothing, so I fixed my gaze on the starry sky.

"Sarah! Damm it! Down here!" I looked down at my garden frowning.

"Shane?" He was standing behind a tree ready to climb it. My house was a two-story one so my room was on the second floor. The tree was where he was standing behind was exactly in front of it giving him an easy entrance to my room "What the hell?! What are you doing here?" When I finished talking he was already in my room, right in front of me.

"I really need to talk to you and nice bra, by the way"I started blushing with his comment and instantly covering my transparent shirt with my arms.

"Oh...What? Are you out of your mind? It's... it's too late!" I said, unsure about what time it was.

"C'mon babysaurus, it's an emergency..."

"Will you stop calling me that if I listen to whatever you want to say to me?" Shane had invented that stupid nickname in order to piss me off about my favorite toy, which was a dinosaur and that I had lost during the summer. I cried a lot, because I had own that toy since I was a child, and, so he decided to start calling me babysaurus.

"I can't promise such a thing, but I will try," he said, smirking "So... IKISSEDKAYA!"

"What?" He spoke so quickly, that I didn't manage to understand the words he pronounced.

"I kissed Kaya, okay? At her parents' party, when the countdown reached the end and everyone in my surroundings started kissing, I just couldn't! I had to show her how much I love her and... I guess I screwed up everything... our friendship, an opportunity." And with his words, I died inside. What was I supposed to do? Help him? Just imagining him kissing Kaya, my best friend, made me want to be her. I'm glad I haven't told her about my feelings towards Shane. She would be feeling terrible righ now, but, one more time, the only one feeling horrible is me.

"Sarah! Are you listening? " and I could see a tear dropping from his eyes, something unusual. "I just wish I could see Kaya the way I see you, like a sister that I have the need to protect!" Outch, hearing this hurt me,

"Umm... I...I don't know...hmm...what to say" Great, way to show yourself indifferent towards him, stop stuttering, idiot!

"Just let me stay over tonight... I don't want to be alone." His sad face melted my broken heart, so I let him stay, I had to make his pain go away.

And with his arms around my waist, I fell asleep, which wasn't an unusual thing.