𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 | 𝗺𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐚 𝐩𝗼𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐢𝗼

26

i forgot cameron was injured and walked to school without her skateboard so let's just pretend she just walked out and ran okay??

——-

where do i go

not home

not sam

no where.

you walked in the cold rain as mattias shirt and your sweats are soaked. you look at the stained hoodie on your forearm and put it on. you keep walking with no destination.

wait

my spot

a location finally sparked your mind.

your spot.
where u go every weekend.

you take out the hair tie from your messy bun and attempt to neaten it up but the hair tie snapped.

damn it

you part you hair down the middle with your finger and keep walking.

*thunder*

you stop walking and slightly flinch.

you take a deep breath and keep walking until a giant bolt of lightning hits the grey sky.

you jump and close your eyes shut.

perfect timing

you collect yourself and start jogging to get there faster. the pain was unbearable but you put your hand over your stomach and kept running as you wince in pain ever stomp you took. you finally got to the bottom of the hill and slowly but steadily make it up. it was still pouring.

you catch your breath and sit at a ledge looking at the stream of water flowing down through the rocks and dirt.

you get up and walk over to where the rain was hitting the bare ground. trees covered most of the floor so you didn't get wet.

as you walked over, you looked up at the gloomy sky.

you laid there on the dirty water looking up at the sky. you closed your eyes. you didn't want to get up. you didn't wanna leave. you had no motivation. for anything.

you felt one with the rain and nature. it was raining cats and dogs. but for the first time, it was soothing. it was calm. no dads. no annoying dudes. no school. no people criticizing you.

you were finally at peace.

you shut your eyes and let the cold rain hit your tan skin.

what i would give to stay here for the rest of my life.

as you thought that, a lightning bolt filled the grey sky.

you had no reaction. you didn't flinch. get scared. move. you laid there.

you turned your head and a small baby deer caught your eye.

that was her favorite animal.

you looked at the small deer and it ran away behind a bush. behind that bush was a bigger deer. the mother. the baby deer ran to the mother and the mother cuddled her and kept her warm.

that was it.
that broke you.

the thing that got to break you was a damn deer and it's mom.

you stayed still and stared at the mother.

before you could think, a warm water drop was sliding through your cheek.
it wasn't rain.
it was a tear.
you looked back up at the sky and gave up.
that was it.
you couldn't take it anymore.

you had to let everything out.

you sat up and looked at the necklace around your neck.

it was her wedding ring in a necklace. you kept it this whole time. it was the most valuable thing to you.

you stated crying uncontrollably and kissed the ring. you wrapped your hands around it and put them up to your forehead as you head was down praying a miracle would happen and being your mom back.

that's all you wanted.

your mom.

you started coughing while crying and let go of the ring.

"WHY ME" you screamed with anger.

"WHY HER" you screamed again.

"WHY MY FAMILY".

why my family.

you stood up and leaned against a tree balling your eyes out. you couldn't control yourself. there were all these emotions you had inside of you that you have been holding in for the longest time. it was about time you exploded.

you started hitting the tree and it scratched and cut all parts of your hands and knuckles. you bled. it hurt. a lot. but you were practically numb. you don't feel anything. you looked to the side and saw an old piece of ply wood someone left. you picked it up and started hitting the tree with all you strength and passion.

you had no control.

your body led the way.

you couldn't think.

move on your command.

stop your self.

it was all out of your control.

" I WANT MY MOM BACKK!!" you screamed at the top of your lungs as loud as you could. you hit the wood one last time on the tree and it snapped. it made a very loud sound. the deer stood up and ran.

"w-wait no don't leave. please."

the deer ran off into the forest.

you looked down at the wood and dropped it.completely scilent.

there was a giant ledge where a waterfall was. you always loved the view. but also loved what the view could do to someone.

⚠️WARNING⚠️
warning: suicide. suicidal thoughts.

—
again. you had no control. you couldn't think. just do.

you walked over at the ledge and looked down at the water hitting the giant rocked and boulders. the water splashed onto the rocks and made loud noises.

there's only one way to get my mom back now.

there's nothing left.

i have nothing to lose.

you got closer.

and closer

and closer.

until you were inches away from dying.

do it cameron. it will all be over soon.

you took one last step foward and looked down.

"okay".

                                                  numb                                        

.