Connor's POV
I drove down the empty street, lights blurry, thoughts screaming in my head. I completely fucked everything up.
I can't control it this time. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not anymore. Only Troye knows and that's not enough. I want to be able to shout it and to be liked just the same.
Knowing that all the guys were at Rebecca's I pulled over in the driveway by the o2l house and ran in. My hands shook as I unlocked the front door and ran in my room, trembling all over. I collapsed by my bed, head inbetween my knees, trying to control it.
I'm not different. I'm not different.
My subconscious screamed otherwise, and I failed at pushing it away. I'm such a failure. Always.
My legs weak, I stood up and faced my mirror, staring at the reflection of just a boy, red swollen tired eyes that spoke the truth, that even I tried to deny. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I licked my cracked lips and whispered.
"I'm gay."
Suddenly, a wave of relief washed over me. I smiled at my reflection, and it smiled back. I did it. I accepted it. Everything blurred around me as I realised. Today might be the day everything changes.
Today.
I forgot about Meli, Troye and my family. I'll do my best with them later.
I did it. I got there.
~~~~~~~~
I'm listening to Mayday Parade why writing this, "terrible things". And it is an amazing song, even though I feel like I want to crawl into a corner and cry.
I've been feeling like that for the past week tbh, I think it's just another depression phase so I will be fine. And I forgot my blades while I'm on holiday so my stupidity pays off! Dan and Phil have literally been giving me life recently, I only laugh when I watch them, so I've made myself a promise to see them at Digifest UK 2015. I just want them to know that they saved my life.
But hey, I'm out of my writers block, with two chapters in two days. Maybe three... ;)
Please comment and vote, shoutout to IanitesDaughter who's been commenting and voting and being fab. Active readers, you are awesome.
PS. I'm seeing one direction on tour (On The Road Again 2015) and my ovaries are not handling it. Second 1D concert! Shmurrrrrr ^~^
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Franta Charm
FanfictionConnor is a perfectly happy world famous youtuber, or so it seems to his fans. Hanging out by the pool one day, a brunette 20 year old Amelia gets pushed in the water, and her fear of water nearly drives her to death, until someone's strong arms lif...
