Noah's vent/ranting

...

I woke up this morning with no motivation whatsoever to step out of bed. I'm not sure why  but it just feels like everything I do is so pointless. Even now, I'm still laying in bed. I'm refusing to get up or to eat, honestly if I could I would probably refuse to breathe too. I just don't want to be here anymore, but it's not like I can tell anyone that. Everyone in my system depends on me and needs me to be strong, so I can't let them know I'm just not.... that I'm not okay. It literally feels like I'm breaking- shattering from the inside out and crumbling faster than I am able to pick up the pieces. Every little kid knows the story of Humpty Dumpty and how he fell of the wall, breaking and never able to be put back together again- well it feels like I just took a leap and I'm left in free fell. Knowing im going to crash and break, yet unwilling to extend my arms or accept any help- I just can't find the will to. I'm not supposed to need help, right? I can't help but feel so broken.. so useless. I just wish everything would stop for a moment and give me a second to breathe.
Though, that's never going to happen. No one cares about what issues I have going on, they all have their very own problems to deal with which is entirely understandable. I'm just.... I'm so tired. All the time.
Yet,
Sleep is the worst thing to me
Because it allows me to relive all the memories I keep buried.
Dreams or nightmares, they all feel the same to me. Unwanted and cruel.
I'll just lie here until I can't anymore. Until I'm forced to get up and I do so reluctantly. I'll lay here,
Until I have no other choice.