Black Rose

2.

                                     Ryan

I was up all night once again with Kam, Dave came in a little after 5. But he was tired so I didn't bother him, once I laid the baby down and made sure he was asleep I stepped inside the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I felt myself on the verge of crying cause I just wasn't happy, I didn't feel like myself and on top of that I was doing everything alone. All these thoughts I had made me break down, I cried until I made myself sick. I'm trying to hold it together but I can't, something in my gut is telling me something isn't right. I just can't put my finger on what it is, I sat in the floor until I saw the sun rising. I knew Dave would sleep until about 2 or 3 and then go right back to work. Kairi was gonna be gone for a few days, and I was gonna miss my baby but Miss Pam knew I needed a break. I then heard Kam crying I sighed and stood to my feet, I opened the door and saw that Dave hasn't moved a muscle to even try to see what was wrong. I made my way to where he was and picked him up, I brought him to the changing table and changed his diaper. I carried him while trying to make his bottle, once it was ready I sat in the rocking chair and fed him. "It's okay, I'm here." I looked into his eyes and smiled, sometimes I wonder if Dave even wanted another child with me. Kam looked more like me but you could tell that Dave was his father. I yawned as he looked up at me, I was in awe every time I looked at him or Kai cause me and Dave really did that. They were beyond perfect in my eyes, 5 years ago I would've never saw myself as a mother or a wife but here I was. Once I burped him, he started dozing off, I stood to my feet and laid him down. Once I made sure he was fine I went back towards my bedroom, "You okay?" I heard him ask for the first time in what feels like forever. "I'm fine." I said laying next to him. I snuggled up to him and laid my head on his chest and when he moved from under me reality settled in for me. "Not tonight, it's hot." he lied. I knew he was lying cause the AC stayed on 65°. It was in that moment I knew he was no longer attracted to me, I scooted closer to the edge of the bed and just stared at the back of his head. I laid there for awhile before I dozed off.

I was awaken by the sound of him closing doors loudly, I frowned cause how could somebody be so inconsiderate of the fact that your child is asleep. I guess he felt my eyes on him cause he looked up, "what's wrong with you?" He asked with his eyebrow raised. I know damn well this nigga didn't just ask me this dumbass shit. "What's wrong with me? Hmm let's start from the beginning, you don't even bother to help me with OUR kids anymore, you work late nights and when you do come in you barely say 2 words to me, or the fact that we haven't been intimate since I was 8 months pregnant, or how you don't ask me shit about my day nor how I'm feeling. If you don't wanna be here or be with me then say that cause at this point I might as well be by myself since I'm doing every fucking thing by myself!" his face softened, "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I shouldn't have to, you walk around this bitch energized meanwhile I need coffee to function throughout the day, I'm up with Kam all night, I get Kairi ready and feed her. I'm not happy and I haven't been for awhile." I wasn't sure how he would react to me saying that. "Do you wanna work things out?" I sighed. "You know I do, I can't just up and leave.. we have children. And Kairi isn't a baby anymore and she's so attached to you that it would hurt me to even separate her from you. And Kam I don't wanna make the same mistakes with him like I did with Kai. Sometimes I wonder if you even wanted another baby with me. And maybe you're just not attracted to me anymore."

    
                                          Dave

Hearing her spill her feelings out and put herself down broke my heart. I never wanted to make her feel this way after what we went through a few years back, that was the hardest part of our relationship. "Ryan, you're perfect the way you are. Every stretch mark, every pimple, every flaw you have is what makes you, you. And of course I wanted another child with you, and I love my son to death. But there's a reason I've been so busy with work.. I've been entertaining this new receptionist. She's 21, and just started working for us, no I've never been intimate with her but she did.. give me head. It was a mistake and it meant nothing to me I swear." I said now pleading. She started backing away from me, every step I made towards her she kept backing up.