If Only

7

Shifting in the seat to get comfortable, Jin frowned. He had been trying to explain all this without getting emotional but this part was going to be hard.

"You told me to stop acting like a child and act like man. That although it was funny at times, I need to understand that I have people looking up to me and my behavior is not responsible. I snapped. Literally and figuratively. I shot out of the sofa so quickly, I think I might have given myself whiplash. I was so furious. How could you tell me to 'act my age'? I had raised you and now you tell me to be a grown up?! I told you that maybe if were it not for you, I would have enjoyed my youth and not act like a child now. You stood up as well and I could see the veins throbbing in your neck. I knew I had said the worst possible thing to you but I didn't care. I was a raging monster. You looked at me with red angry eyes and asked me if I think I you were still a child and I said yes, very much so.  I could see the hurt and anger in your eyes but I wanted you to feel as hurt and angry as I was. Looking at me one last time, you stormed out of my room and slammed the door behind you. I was left there staring at the door, rage rolling off me like steam. I locked my door and didn't even care where Yoongi would sleep. I didn't see you the day I left. I had heard from Jimin that you left the house after our fight and hadn't been back since. I was still angry so I brushed it off. And after being in the military for seven months, I received a letter from Tae. He told me the group had taken an indefinite haitus. He said  that they were all planning to join the military by the end of the year as well. I was surprised as I didn't think you guys would do that. I thought you'd continue doing music and leave once your turn came. But what shocked me more in the letter, was that you had left for the military six months after I enlisted. Tae said that ever since our fight, you were not the same. It's like a light inside you had died. That you locked yourself in the gym, or in the studio, or dancing alone. That you were no longer the chaotic maknae line because you isolated yourself from Jimin and Tae. It was just work and sleep for you. He also told me how you snapped at Joon. The fight got violent and you punched him and left the building. That you fought about me. He didn't detail the fight but I had a feeling it was about my relations with both of you. A week later, Joon sent me a letter as well. He told me stories of the guys and the new music being produced. I was happy for you guys. That at least you were still making music. He said he knew he should have been more precise with his wording when he told me he liked me. Then he told me about your fight and how angry you were. He said that you had loved me longer. He knew it, heck everyone knew it. But because I was not receprocating the feelings coming my way, he had a shot. And that he thought it was working because of all the time we were spending together. So when you snapped and punched him because of me, he was not angry. Just sad. Sad that I made you so jealous with him. He said he would have reacted much harsher and much sooner had it been him in your shoes. He apologized for coming between us and hoped that I would reach out to you to mend things."