Golden // The day I met you

Chapter 16 - It's Perfect

Harry's POV :

When I entered the class that day I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. That possibly the course of my life was going to change and that maybe my ideals and my thoughts would be changed somehow. That I would finally get back to who I really was. After Camille and I's break up I haven't really been the same. I told people I was fine when I actually wasn't. I was a mess, I was slowly sinking into oceans of pain and sadness. For a best part of the time that passed after our break up I was convinced I was never going to find someone to love as much as I loved her. I was insanely in love with her. But apparently she wasn't as much in love with me as I was with her. And realising that hurt like a truck. She had something else that attracted me to her, she had her own thing and her very own presence and personality, things that later were the everyday sufferance and pain for me. We were different but I chose not to see that. As I did my whole life. I get so knocked over the head with things and I put so much heart into, that I always end up hurt and miserable. But I do not regret anything, ever. After all they made me who I am today. While I was with her everything was so new and so exciting, so different, that I forgot who I really was. I wasn't that type of guy to go to clubs and get wasted all the time or flipp people off. I was the kind of guy who would give people hugs and help them with their hung over. But she was. And I wanted to be enough for her. So bad. However, no matter how hard I tried, it didn't work. She left to go back to Paris. And I stayed here. She left me with my new self, someone that I had absolutely no idea who he was. Someone I didn't like. And on top of all that, it seemed like for her it was the easiest thing to do. Like there was nothing between us and we were just fooling around.
I tried everything to get over her, and eventually I kept trying until it really gave the impression that I was. When actually, I really wasn't and that's what I blame myself for.
But now that this little bowl of sunshine entered my life, I can finally say that I am on my journey of rediscoverying myself. "Lorelai", well there's so much I could say about her. She's nothing like Camille and maybe that's what attracted me the most to her. At least so I thought. When I hear the name,, Lorelai " all I can think about is sunshine. A beautiful big sunshine, but the one you only see when you go to the beach in the middle of a hot day of summer. That sunshine. I see a field with roses and I smell the sweet scent of vanilla biscuits. Whenever I hug her, I feel so safe. I see passion, I see humour, I see power. But I  also see  a little girl who is smiling all the time, who is foolish and innocent. And I see a lot of sadness behind all that. A deep sadness that is covered up so that no one could take it as her weak spot. Because she hates weakness. For her weakness is like Jerry to Tom. She chases it away all the time, but late at night it's the only thing that stays with her. And I wanna change that. I want to be the only thing next to her late at night. Nothing else.

As soon as we entered the hospital we went up to her salon. We stayed there,only hugging for some minutes, but I got up to go get her some new clothes. I could feel her shaking under me and I couldn't just let her like this.

,, - Hey, how is she? " Jackson got up and asked me.
,, - I think she's fine. She is just very cold." I say and we stare at each other for a short second. I could feel there was something going on with him.
,, - I am going to get her some new clothes. Does your mom have any? Where is she?"

He takes a deep breath and then rubs the back of his head.
,, - Um, I think she is sleeping, but I am sure she has something. I going to look."
,, - Oh, okay then. I am going inside . " I say not wanting to push him into talking. I try to open the door handle, but I feel Jackson's hand on my shoulder.

,, - Hey, man, um, do you have a second? " he asks me and looks away as he gets embarrassed. One thing that they have in common is their stubbornness and the fact that they think they have to deal with things on their own, with no one else's help.