i've never been more in love | ryeji

safe in your arms

"Stay here," those two words lingered in Yeji's mind.

It's not like she'd even dare to leave her, anyway. She'd never leave Ryujin. Not because she was too nice to break her best friend's heart; not because she'd break the promise she made. It's because leaving her would break her own heart, too. 

Yeji had never expected Ryujin to become such a big part of her life, nor did she expect to fall for her along the way. But hey, the universe does what it wants.

Then, just as she was about to drown in her thoughts, the door opens, revealing a smiling Ryujin with a laptop in her hands. God, she'd do anything to see her smile like that everyday. Call it cliché or gross, but every single time Yeji sees her smile, with her eyes forming crescents and her whisker dimples showing, she feels this beautiful feeling inside her—a feeling that makes her want to protect Ryujin for as long as she can live.

"So, what are we watching?"

Although she was the one who suggested this, Yeji had no idea what to watch. Should she just suggest a horror movie so she could have an excuse to cuddle Ryujin? No, she couldn't risk the idea of having a scared Ryujin. 

"You choose."

"Alright then," Ryujin smiles. "Ghibli marathon?"

"Oh hell yes."
 
-
 
In the middle of 'Castle in the Sky', Ryujin's hand slips into hers and she can't help but think about letting it all out at this very moment. She was tired of hiding it all. Right now, she didn't care if Ryujin didn't feel the same. (Okay, well, maybe she kind of does.) She wants her to know. She wants for Ryujin to know that if she ever even dares to leave for a second, her heart would break. She wants for Ryujin to know that she'd never meant to fall for her, but the universe did whatever the hell it wanted to and now she's here. She wants Ryujin to know that she hated prom because she wanted to feel Ryujin's lips on hers so fucking badly that day.

She wants Ryujin to know that she's in love with her and she hates herself for it because hell, who the fuck falls for their best friend and expects them to feel the same way?

"Yeddong," Ryujin calls, pouting.

"Yeah?" Yeji looks at her with eyes so soft that she looked like she was about to cry. In Ryujin's eyes Yeji saw the reflection of the moon in it's beautiful state, and Ryujin's eyes were glowing. 

She's never been more in love. 

"Cut the anxious face." Ryujin laughs. "It's just- Thank you. For everything. You're the one who was confident enough to stand up for me and confront my parents, and you've always, always been there no matter what. Sometimes I feel like I'm in debt." When the words left her mouth, she let out a bitter laugh. That same laugh that she let out when she told Yeji about everything that was going on when she saw her sobbing at a fucking bus stop on a rainy day.

'I do it because I love you,' Yeji wants to say, but she doesn't.

"Jinnie," Yeji says, but it sounds more like a whine. "You're not in any debt. I do it because I care. You don't have to repay me for caring."

Ryujin wraps her arms around Yeji and they share the tightest hug they've ever shared in the two months that they've known each other. 

'Two months.' Yeji thinks. Who knew that that'd be enough time to fall for someone? But, maybe she'd been in love with her for far longer than that. She recalls the time when they were partnered up for Advanced Biology, and she ended up with Ryujin. That was back in October. Ryujin didn't really talk  much that time, but she recalls thinking that she liked a lot about Ryujin. Like the way her nose would scrunch up when she smiled, and the way she would laugh at her jokes when even Yeji herself knew that it wasn't funny at all.

Fuck it.

She's telling Ryujin. She thinks about the letter she'd written two weeks ago. She was conflicted that night. She'd re-written it too many times to count, but she ended up rambling in the letter no matter what. So, she gave up. She stopped caring if she was rambling. She was honest in the letter, and that's all that matters.

"Hey," She calls, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a while. Pause it for me, alright."

Yeji still doesn't know. As she stares at her reflection in the mirror, she asks herself what the right decision would be. Should she risk their friendship and tell Ryujin about how she feels? Or should she just wait until these feelings died down, her heart breaking in the process, but in the end they'd stay the same.

She hates it. She hates herself. She hates how she has to even think about this. Why is she even asking if she should tell Ryujin about how she feels?

Idiot, what are you even afraid of? If she really does care about you, she wouldn't let something like this get in the way of your friendship, right?

Right?

Damn it, Yeji. What happened to saying fuck it?

Maybe, just maybe if she were brave enough. Maybe if she had the guts to just tell her. Then, she wouldn't be gripping the sides of the sink so tightly that her knuckles turned pale; then, she wouldn't be so close to crying over this again.

 Maybe, just maybe if she could tell her.
 
"Yeji?" Ryujin shouts from her room.

"I'll be out in a minute, hold on." Yeji shouts back. She can't think about this any longer. 

She's doing it.

-
 
"You took a while in there." Ryujin laughs.

 "I was just thinking about something," Yeji wants to tell her that she was thinking about her, but no, not now. She's not saying that. No.

 "Hm. Okay." Ryujin says, a hint of suspicion clear in her tone. Yeji was fucked.

 Silence.

 "So, let's continue the movie?"

 "Yeah, sure." Ryujin says with a smile.

 It didn't take long before they turned silent, enjoying the movie in front of them. They were only three movies in, and it was one in the morning.

Ryujin yawned as she put her head on Yeji's shoulder. 

"Are you sleepy already? We can finish it tomorrow." Yeji says, tucking the latter's hair behind her ear. Ryujin froze at the action. "I- sorry I'm-"

"No, no, it's fine."

"Shut up, you literally just yawned." Yeji doesn't really want Ryujin to go to sleep, though. She wants to stay here, with Ryujin in her arms as they binged Ghibli movies 'til the sun would rise. But, then again, she needed an excuse to leave the letter on the desk to Ryujin's side.

"Fine, fine. Good night, Yeddeong." Ryujin said with a small yawn.

"Good night, Ryuddaeng."