i've never been more in love | ryeji

i couldn't be more in love

When Ryujin's eyes finally shot open to the bright light of the sun that peeked from the curtains, Yeji wasn't next to her anymore. She sat up, rubbing her eyes softly.

"Where the fuck is she?"

Her hand searched the bedside table to get her phone. Yeji couldn't have just left, right? She was too tired to shout her name, and besides, she didn't want to disturb her neighbors. 

Ryujin lived alone, now. Ever since her parents split, she decided on getting a house of her own. She'd been saving her money for months, and when she finally had the opportunity to put it to use, she didn't hesitate.

Right, Yeji.

Instead of having her fingers land on her phone like it always does, it lands on something softer. Like a piece of paper. She turns her head to see what it is, and it's an envelope with her name written on it. Next to her name was a heart.

She opens the letter, not expecting much. Only wondering who it could've been from. Yeji was the closest possible person, but what if someone just asked her to give it to her? She didn't want to get her hopes up. Not when it would hurt her even more than her feelings did.

Deep breaths.

Ryujin,

I know you're probably wondering why the hell someone would write you a letter when they can just say it to your face, but I'm scared as fuck, so here it goes.

I'm really confused as to why I'm writing this right now, honestly. I can just say it in person, right? What am I so scared of? But then again, that'd be a big risk, so fuck it.

"A risk?" Ryujin asks out loud. "What risk?"

Her eyes drift down to the bottom of the paper to see who the letter is from, and what she sees next leaves her speechless.

Nevertheless, she keeps reading. She'll let it all out once it's done. She wants to finish this. She has to. 

I think I love you.

No, wait. Screw that 'I think' because I don't just think that I do. I know I do. I love you, and I fucking hate it.

I hate it because every single time I think of you with somebody else, my heart just fucking breaks into pieces and I forget how to breathe; I hate it because everytime I see you, I want to tell you everything—how I was probably already in love with you from the moment we were partners in Advanced Bio. But I'd never  say that, especially not in person, when it could hurt me even more when you tell me that you don't feel the same way.

I fell in love with you back in October.

When we were drowning in requirements and projects, and when you barely ever spoke. I never really knew what was on your mind back then, but the universe said fuck it and made me like you anyway.

You were beautiful, and you still are. Every now and then, I found myself staring at you in class. My friends even teased me for it. 'Are you catching feelings for your bio partner?' they'd joke. I denied it back then, but when I think about it, maybe 'yes' was the right answer.

I'm going to end up rambling here (I probably already am), but to hell with it.

I love you.

I love how your nose scrunches up and your cute little whisker dimples show when you smile. I love how you're so disgustingly cheesy. I love how you have a knack for watching cliché romance and Ghibli movies. I love how you can make me feel loved so, so easily. I love it when you smile so genuinely, because seeing you happy makes me feel so fucking giddy.

And, well, maybe even just seeing you makes me happy.

When I realized it all, I wanted to ignore you. Just so that these feelings would fade away and it would all go back to normal. But, I didn't. I didn't want to ignore you because that would make everything harder for the both of us. So I stayed. 

I let my feelings grow bigger and bigger, and before I knew it, I was in deep.

Though, to be perfectly honest, the thought of loving you scares me.

What if my feelings ruin everything? What if you get a boyfriend or girlfriend and I have to watch you be happy with somebody else, knowing full well that I wasted my chance to tell you how I feel?

It's scary, Ryujin. It really, really is.

But if it breaks my heart to see you happy, then I'd break my heart a million times.

You don't have to feel the same way, you really don't. I'm giving this letter to you knowing that my heart might break as soon as we talk about it, so I'm ready. (I'm not)

Again, I love you.

All my love,
Yeji

"All this time." Ryujin sighs. "All this time, you loved me back, but I was too afraid to tell you."

She laughs bitterly at how stupid she was for thinking that Yeji didn't feel the same way. Now that she'd thought about it, the girl treated her differently. She'd cooked for her, even when she didn't really know much about cooking; she fought for her in times when she could barely even stand; she treated her like she was family—like she was someone she'd never wanted to replace.

I have to tell her that I feel the same way.

She scrambles out of her bed to get out of her room and find Yeji. Surprisingly enough, though, she didn't actually have to look for her at all.

As she got to the living room, she found Yeji comfortably sitting on the couch, watching Netflix.

"Ryujin," Yeji smiled. "You're up."

"I love you, too."

"What-"

Before she could finish her thought, Ryujin's hands were already cupping her cheeks. "I love you, too, you idiot."

Yeji looks at her, looking far more confused than she expected her to be. Before she could say anything, Ryujin captures her lips into a perfectly slow kiss.

It was everything all at once. It was the moment she'd been waiting for all her life. All the countless nights she had spent thinking about what kissing Hwang Yeji would be like. Now she knows the answer to that.

Yeji kisses her back. Her lips are soft against Ryujin's. Something about the sweet taste of Yeji's strawberry chapstick with the feeling of her soft, soft lips made her not want to let go. She wants to kiss her until she forgets how to breathe. She wants to have her lips on hers for as long as they could be there. She wanted this. She wanted her.

Yeji smiles into the kiss, and Ryujin swears that she physically felt the butterflies in her stomach. "I love you," Yeji says as she broke the kiss to get some air, and it's enough to make Ryujin kiss her a second time.

The second kiss was...more. The first one was full of emotions—mostly those that they've been keeping in for months. But this one, it was perfect.

Ryujin now knows that Yeji loves her back, and that's all it takes to make a tear fall from her eye out of happiness.

She loves Hwang Yeji, and Hwang Yeji loves her.

It's perfect. She's perfect.

She's never been more in love.