Haikyuu Angst Oneshot [Character x Character]

Control (Tsukkiyama)

TW: Eating disorders

Pairing: Anorexic!Tsukishima x Yamaguchi

Requested by @Sad_Boi_Denki! Thank you so much for the request and I hope you like it!!

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Tsukishima never meant for everything to be like this.

For every nibble of food and their calories be tracked on his phone, to refuse eating every meal, surviving on little bits of food here and there throughout the day, sometimes only living off three slices of apple for the entire day. If he was at a family meal and had to eat, he'd make sure to vomit all of his food intake after the meal. 

Tsukishima doesn't know when this all happened. When he started looking into the mirror and started thinking "Not thin enough. Not small enough. Not skinny enough." His life is out of control, but his body is something that he can control. He could control himself, he knew he could. 

Yet he's so good at hiding all of it. His clothing choices become more and more baggy to hide his terrifyingly thin stomach and his ribcage that sticks out way too much; carrying an empty lunch box with a couple stuck grains of rice to convince his best friend Yamaguchi that he'd eaten his lunch already; telling his family that he'd eaten dinner with his team when in reality, he said that he wasn't hungry when the team went to get pork buns.

Yamaguchi was the first to notice that things were odd. It wasn't obvious, but he'd worn long pants and a long sleeved shirt while everyone else was in shorts and t-shirts. 

"Tsukki! Why are you wearing long pants? It's so hot today!"

The tall boy is caught off guard. He knew that the reason he was cold all the time, even on a hot summer day, was because of the way he was eating. Yamaguchi can't find out. He can't.

"I forgot to check the weather."

One lie, many more to come. 

Every volleyball practice, Tsukishima's stamina was becoming worse and worse. Not dramatically, but to the point where Yamaguchi could tell. 

"Tsukki, are you alright? You seem off today."

"I'm fine."

Second lie. 

"Sorry for the disturbance!"

Tsukishima was home alone, and the freckled boy had come to visit.

"Tsukki! I brought you strawberry shortcake!"

The blond boy looks up. 

"Thanks, Yamaguchi. but I'm not hungry. Leave it in the fridge."

That was the last straw. Yamaguchi's seen Tsukishima before. He knows that even if he'd had a full meal, he would still have at least a couple bites of cake and Yamaguchi would have the rest. Even though the blond boy had a small appetite, he would always have a few bites just to get the flavour. 

Suddenly, the thick clothing on a hot day, the weakness in practices and the empty lunchboxes every single time he eats with him made sense. 

"Tsukki."

"What?"

"Don't lie to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean don't lie to me, Tsukishima Kei." Tears formed in the freckled boy's eyes, body shaking with frustration and guilt of not realizing sooner that the person he loved most was suffering.

"Are you even eating at all? H-how are you surviving? Do you realize that you're literally killing yourself little by little? Do you realize that I care? That the team cares? This is why your clothing keeps becoming more and more baggy, isn't it? Why are you doing this? Tsukki, you can't keep doing this!"

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

Yamaguchi finally looks into Tsukishima's eyes, filled with horror thinking he might've crossed the line.

Tsukishima looks away. Eyes glistening with tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks any moment. "How pathetic," he thought to himself, "crying? Really? Just shut up and explain everything to him already."

"I'm in control, Yamaguchi. Even if I can't control my life, at least I can control how I eat."

"That's not control, Tsukki! You're hurting yourself!"

"And I'm in control of how I hurt myself, unlike before. People hurt others all the time. It doesn't matter-"

"WHY DOES IT NOT MATTER?"

"Huh?"

Yamaguchi runs towards the blond boy and pins him onto the ground.

"WHY DOES IT NOT MATTER IF YOU'RE HURT? DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT YOURSELF THAT MUCH?" Tears were soaring down his cheeks at this point. "Who did this do you, Tsukki? Don't act like you don't matter. Don't act like nothing bothers you. People care about you, Tsukki. I care about you. So please don't keep everything to yourself. Please tell me what's going on. Please, Tsukki."

Hurt flashes through Tsukishima's eyes. He'd never thought that anyone would actually notice, much less that anyone would care at all. 

"I just want to be in control. Everything else is out of control, so at least I can take control of myself. Life is out of my control. What the teacher talks about in class is out of my control. Where the ball goes on the court is out of my control. But at least what I eat and how much I eat is in my control. So let me be in control, Yamaguchi." 

"Tsukki, you're not in control of yourself anymore. You think you are, but you're not."

The freckled boy nuzzles his tear-stained face into the blond boy's neck.

"Please let me help you, Tsukki."

Tsukishima wraps his arms around the boy on top of him and squeezes.

"Yeah, okay."

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A/N:

Hihihi! Tsukkiyama has got to be one of my fav ships in Haikyuu so I really wanted to make this a good one. I feel like it ended a bit abruptly? If it did please let me know and if you have any other pointers and suggestions feel free to comment so I can improve my writing hehe ;)

Anyways I really hope you liked it!! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope to see you soon!

Sayonara!

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