Lost and Found

Chapter 8

Looking at Sol, she knew there was some truth in his words; she was glad that he was at least as affected by her presence as she was with his. He’d turned her life upside just by being there...she’d gone back to her father’s, she hadn’t even thought of her home in years, yet within days of seeing him she’d gone back and at least started to seek the truth, as opposed to what she had believed happened for so many years.

So was it unacceptable to think that he was challenging his own values and beliefs too?

                “If all this is true...”

                “It is.” He tried to offer a smile, “I envisaged a life with Helena because until you walked back into my life I honestly believed that was what I wanted. And now...” he took her hand again, “all bets are off. I’m not predicting the future, we’re both different people, we’re older, we’re wiser, and I’m not daft enough to think that our teenage love is everything, but I’m hoping that we can work on it and try to be friends.”

She nodded, hating the fact that she could feel tears welling, “you’re engaged Sol, we can’t be friends.”

                “I want everything with you Meal-ia, you misunderstand, three weeks ago the second I clapped eyes on you I knew I wanted more than friendship, I want everything...and as soon as I realised that I should’ve ended it with Helena. That’s what I did wrong, and I’m sorry for that.”

She digested that news for a moment, “you can’t end it because of me.”

Shaking his head he smiled, “but I want you more than her, as you said, she’s no consolation prize. I have to end it with her even if I never see you again. Don’t you see?”

Amelia was torn, the thought of Sol, actually being with him again, holding him, loving him, was more than her usually vivid imagination could conjure, “she’s so beautiful, why would you want me?”

He laughed, the first genuinely happy sound she’d heard all day, “you keep saying that, I know you and you are beautiful inside and out. I see you and you take my breath away, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, all I want is to be with you, to hear about your day, to dissect the last ten years...” He smiled, “I want to kiss you, I want to hold you...at eighteen I was scared of showing you how I felt, I let your father push me away, I’m not a teenager now, and I want to tell you exactly how I feel. And I promise Hot-Meal-ia, this is the first time I’ve felt this happy, the first time the future has seemed so obvious since then.”

Suddenly all her appetite had gone, her stomach churned and she had no idea what she thought about anything anymore.  Toying with her food she tried to take it all in, this is what she’d always dreamed of, Sol desperately wanting her, but nothing was ever that simple. Helena. That was the worst part of it all, no one deserved to be hurt so that she could be happy, that wasn’t fair was it? But, Sol was also right; he needed to end things with her if he didn’t love her. Poor Helena.

                “I’m not proud.” He offered quietly.

She nodded, “I can see that. It’s just so awful, if she loves you...she’ll be devastated.”