Two halves of chaos (hetalia-Countryhuman-crossover)

Chapter 5

America stared at the flag head.

"Man, you need any help there?"

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.

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America couldnt resist making a pathetic excuse at a joke at this time, even if he didnt know the stranger.

"Yeah, you have any..." his voice faltered, and his mouth contorted into a silent yelp of pain, but he continued speaking right after anyways.

"D'you hav'ny duct tape? I'd like ta fix m'sunglasses..."

The american grinned painfully at the blonde, who inhaled a burger. America's last waking thought was;

I have to challenge him to a contest.

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America inhaled his burger, England staring at him;

"Bloody hell..."

And all of a sudden, a phone rang out, a clear and ridiculous song playing;

England, when America looked at him, said;

"Not mine, you cunt! I'd never listen to that."

America knew it wasnt his, so he patted down the pockets of the flag head. And success! He found the phone!

"Iggy! Found it!"

"Dont call me that!" was the only answer the englishman sent back, angry at the nickname.

America picked up the phone, not bothering to look at the caller.

"Y'ello. Who dis?"

"America? Is this you? Um... Well, you might wanna come over here- uh, give me a second..."

From the speaker, a few distant voices could be heard, conversing. They stopped when the voice continued to speak through the phone.

"Ok! Ok, so, you need to come at *insert adress*, and bring somebody with decent medical experience, oh! and bring a few stubbie's, please?"

The voice could be heard conversing in the distance with a few others, yet again.

"Actually, scratch that, bring just one stubbie, a'ight? Thanks, you're real mean!"

And with that, the phone hung up.

(new zealand slang; mean- mean: awesome and stubbie: bottle of beer)

"Iggy! C'mon, get in the car, we're goin to buy some beers and then goin' to drop this dude off! Why did he call me mean, though....?"

America grabbed the flag head, tossing him in the back with a stash of burgers and drinks, just in case.

America then got out a map of his country, and searched for the address, failing miserably. After England chided America a bit, England got out his own map, and they drove off to an airport.

They took a plane, and within less then a day, the three got to the address.

They did get a few strange stares at the airport, due to the flag head being slightly covered in injuries  (England had done his best to clean up the blood and to clean the clothes, even going to bandage up at least 20% of the skin that was no where near his vital regions) but America still managed to bargain his way to getting a few business class seats on the 1st plane to europe.

Once landed, England rented- well, after America practically recked it, he bought it- and they drove. 

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I said that they got there within a day, didnt I? Yeah, well I proably forgot to mention that they picked up a hitch-hiker who  just so happened to be another flag head.

Wait... When I said hitch hiker, I meant hitch hikers.

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Kazahkstan was not happy, to say the least. Nor was Germany or Ukraine, but they managed. Ukraine had- when she went to this other place- landed in a tunnel entrance, where she could hear cries of fustration and disgust come from the tunnel. She quickly discovered the sewer system was connected to the tunnel when Germany and Kazahkstan trudged and swam out of the sludge that people flushed down to the sewer systems, whether it be their sinks, toilets, or bathtubs. And in any case, the two were quite likely to catch a whole lot of diseases if they didnt wash soon.

So, after some searching, the three found a river.

However, in that river, Ukraine got bit by a turtle when she accidentally fell in.

So, all in all, not their best day.

And when Ukraine, Kazahkstan, and Germany decided to try and catch a ride by waiting on the side of the road- well, miracle! A car stopped! And even more of a miracle, in a way, America was there as well!

Germany immediately deducted that America had been hit by a car.

.

When America finally woke up, coughing weakly, his first reaction?

"Holy sweet beejesus, why's't so bright?... oh, that reminds me, I should watch Bright..."

"America, how did you get hit by a car, if you dont mind?"

"Huh? Oh, 'ello Ukraine, where's R'ssia?"

America looked around, and could distinctly make out three figures, and as his vision got clearer, he could spot Khazahkstan as well.

"Shit... who else from Russia's fam'ly's here t'a kidnap me?"

Khazahkstan groaned, and hid his face in his knees and arms, to try and control his laughter.

"I bet he walked into a parked car and over-exagerrated the hit..." Khazahkstan joked, as Germany just sighed in embarressment at the horrible attempt to lighten up the mood.

"Yo, dudes, what're your names?!" shouted a loud, obnoxious voice. 

Germany immediately thought that it was America who said that, but apparently? yes, and no.

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"This is Ukraine, he's kazahkstan, and the one who looks like he's about to become a party-killer with his next words that he'll say is Germany. I'm America!" America proudly exclaimed, shouting as loudly possible without hurting his throat.

Ukraine, Khazahkstan, and germany instantly whacked America. The American quite obviously felt pain, which was confirmed by the hiss of pain he sent in response to the attacks.

"Please dont tell every stranger our names." Germany hissed.

"Cool! Im also called 'murica!" 

America's eyes widened.

"Awesome! You wanna have a hot dog eating contest later?"

"Sure!"

"I'm England..."

And with that, with no questions, the group drove and drove until they finally got to the destination.

"America, isnt this..."

"Yep, yep, yep, yep-"

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"America!"

"Kiwi!"

"Did you bring me a stubbie? You know what, never mind, you'll give it later, c'mon! Also, welcome to the wop wop's! Also, Russia's jumper's ruined, just thought y'all should know."

America tossed him a beer bottle.

"Kiwi, watch out" America called out at the same time.

New Zealand caught the beer, and looked at the blonde.

"Chur!"

(New Zealand slang- wop wop's: the middle of no where  and  jumper: sweater   and  chur: thanks)