play date ↺ nahyuck

003

week after i last went to donghyuck's house, i was still thinking what to do, i lowkey wanna talk to him again without any feelings flowing. i want our friendship back.

i was slowly crunching on my cereal while staring at the robot toy and hyuck's ironman figurine both laying on the table. i just found it the other day on a garbage bag outside their house so i immediately took it before the garbage takers could.

i jolted when my mom suddenly yelled something, she was talking to someone on the phone but suddenly dropping it, wearing her jacket and hurriedly went out. i stood up and watched her getting away with the car.

where is she going? what's wrong early in the sunday morning?

and so i thought it was nothing that matters to me or anything but no, it wasn't. mom was breaking down in tears as she got back and it was already nine in the evening.

later on that day, she told me that we're going somewhere and i should wear a black formal, she was wearing a black dress. i was wondering where we were going until i got to realize that we're on a funeral wake. but who died?

"mom, why are we here?" i asked her but she just shushed me. i shrugged it off, looking around as we got inside.

my knees got weak that made me fall on my knees after seeing donghyuck's mom on the picture on the front with those flowers.

how could this happen just so soon and sudden? i didn't even knew! my tears started forming that my sight went blurry. she was almost- no she was likely a mother to me, she cared for me so much, just like my mom.

i looked up at mom but she was just looking down too, tears won't stop falling from her eyes. i stood up and huged her.

afterwards, i noticed donghyuck wasn't here the whole time, it was just his mother's sister and other relatives. so i went out, trying to find him.

he was nowhere, nowhere to be found out here.

i had the feeling that he's on their house so i ran to get there, climbing the gates and knocking on the door, after a minute of doing so without any response from anyone, i got myself inside since the door wasn't locked. again, knocking on his room's door.

"donghyuck? are you there?" i asked while knocking.

i had a big feeling that he's here since the house felt warm and so i slowly opened the door, saw him sitting on the floor, leaning at the edge of his bed, hugging his knees.

"donghyuck it's me, i-i'm so sorry for you loss.." i closed the door and looked down, tears are forming again on my eyes.

"fuck off." the only thing i heard from him.

but instead of doing what he said, i walked towards him, sitting with my knees trying to reach him but i felt scared for a moment. what if he'd push me away again? he's already pushing me out but what if i get hurt even more?

i landed my hand on his shoulder, i couldn't see him cause his face was buried on his arms and he's crying, i couldn't bare to see him like this.

"hyuck.. i'm still here." i said and tried to hug him but i found myself being pushed to the wall.

"would that make any difference?! do you think i need you?? i don't even wanna fucking see you! now get the out!" he yelled at me, this time i saw his face, he was red, puffy and swollen.

i hugged him saying, "look, i know hyuck, you're not the only one who loss-" but i never finished when he yelled at me again, kicking me off that sent me lying on my back and hurt, physically.

"no! you never know because you're not me... please, get out." his voice softened when his tears flowed down again, his voice's shaking.

"i-i'm so sorry." i stood up and looked down, walking towards the door, "but always remember that i'll always be here for you."

that was the last thing i told him, and perhaps could be the last words cause after that day, mom and i always went to him, just to check him up and cook something for him even though we couldn't get inside his room.

and somehow i felt relieved cause he always eats them. sometimes i peek inside his room, he's asleep with the food on his bedside table but also with cups of instant noodles everywhere on the floor.

but one day, a week after her mom's burial, as we went  to check on him, he wasn't there anymore. i tried to find him but he was, again, nowhere to be found. it took me days finding him but he never showed up.

i've never seen him again, nor talked. and i wish that i could at least know that he's doing fine and healthy. for almost over six year already, i hope i could see him again.