Anger Management

6-19-20

You think you're okay, boy? You think you're still you? Hah, what an idiot you are.

Flames. Pain. Searing words that seem to stab at my heart. They don't know me. But then again, neither do I. I'm so sorry to everyone... It's just my time, isn't it?

Yeah, right. You won't do it this time. You never do it.

Hah, you just wish that...

"Paper, where's the paper?" My hands shake. I just escaped and realized how hard it is. I've tried before but I'll succeed this time. I can't. I'm breaking. 

I grab the paper sitting on the top shelf, popping off the lid of my blood red pen before laying said paper down. I start writing, trying to steady my shaking hands and control my teary eyes. I know they won't fall; they never do. It's a tease... It takes a few minutes but I finish my note after finding the words.

Dear whoever is reading this,

It's not your fault... but it's not all mine, either. I can't take this weight anymore... You don't care, I'm sure, but if you're still reading I want you to know that I'm better wherever I end up. I'm not right for this place... too many demons surround me here, too many horrible voices scream in my ears and too many thoughts cloud up my brain and eyes. The tears that don't ever fall seem to taunt me... I want to feel again... but I can't. I'm sorry, so, so sorry... I can't be alone with my thoughts anymore... it's too much... Its not even a feeling, just a... what is it? Ah, it doesn't matter anymore... If you're reading this, it's too late now... You'll find my body in the woods hanging from a tree. This is my goodbye to you and to all who said they were my friends. I hope you can find a way to keep your spirits up, but I know that I was just a burden anyways... goodbye, old friends.

Apologies from yours truly, me.