Anger Management

10-12-20

Black. It's all black now.

Dead... I should be dead. Why am I not dead?

The gentle breeze blows my hair into my face. Growling I grab the hair tie on my wrist and pull my honey brown hair into a messy man bun. Or at least that what I call it, but the name doesn't matter more than a mere assurance that I am male. Am I? 

Eddie, don't lie to yourself. 
Shut up, I didn't ask for your opinion.

My voice quivers as I try to speak, deciding it's better if I stay silent. My hands. I look at my hands and notice the blood on them. Or, I think it's blood. But it's blue. Must be my own, I'm the only blue blood around here. In fact, I'm the only one around here at all. 

Where is here?

I look around. Dark, empty space. Blues, blacks, silvers. Magenta and lavender. It smells... grey. Grey and off. I don't know how to speak anymore. I don't know how to tell you how grey-indigo-blue this place made me feel. I couldn't find my words, and my thoughts are a blur of orange-red-black-blue. It hurts. Oh, how it hurts. I try to take a step, but it seems I more of float. What's happening to me? I feel lost. Maybe I should have eaten something. It's been days. Or weeks? I can't remember. Water. I haven't drank anything in a few days either. Maybe it's the pills? The simple little red circle. 

Weak. Useless. You think you're dead? Let me tell you where you are. You're not dead. You're in the real world. This is your universe. Congrats, you fucking made it. Let's see how you get on here, huh? No energy, no food, no words. Good luck.

I don't even try to respond. No energy. 

"If I had the energy to tell you what was wrong, I would, but my body is breaking and I can't breathe right now." The words leave my mouth without me even moving my lips. I'm learning. Good. I turn my head, staring at the dark shadow that approaches me. I can feel the royal blue-green-yellow vibes and I know who it is. My familiar. His black silhouette almost comforts me. My big, two foot tall cat who always stays close enough to call. He pads over, and I hear a small purr. Something seems off... blue-green-black. That's not him. My familiar can't make noise like that... where is he? I take a step away and fall into blackness. Magenta-blue. Fear, I think is what it's called. But not quite. 

And I'm face down. Suffocating. Is this a bed? I feel sheets under my fingertips, weight on my back as I'm pinned down. Hm, what an interesting way to wake up.

Music still drowning out any sound. I can't think. But then again, when could I? Never. Exactly. Pulse. Pulse. I hear drums. Rather, feel them. Guitar? Accordion? I feel more. Hear more. Bleed more. I feel the heat of the blue run down my ears, out my mouth. Off my throat and down my arms. My hands are coated again. 

Everything feels grey and I can't think.