One Last Time

Chapter 20 | Swan Song

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Make You Feel My Love
Adele

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I patiently wait at my front porch for Reed to pick me up. He called wanting to meet up, and I decided to accept his offer after numerous times of declining the past few weeks. Good thing for me, September has been warm so far. I'm wearing a black blouse with a heart-shaped neckline, puffed sleeves, and denim skinny jeans with flats. I'm not wearing any make up since it's likely I might cry it all out later. Then, I'd be too tired to clean it off.

Reed's Chevrolet Camaro appeared from the corner and stops in my driveway. He comes out of the car with a single white tulip, wearing a maroon dress shirt with khaki jeans and white shoes. The sight of it had me frozen for a second. He scratched his head and hands me the flower, "I thought I should bring this to make up for being late." Memories of last month rush through me as I bite my quivering lip.

I hesitantly reached for the white tulip, staring at it numbly once it's in my hand. I cough to shake away the rising emotion in me, "It's okay, and thank you. Let me put this in a vase before we leave." I rushed back into the house and grab a small vase from the kitchen. I fill half of it with water then place the flower in it. I caress the petals admiring its pure beauty. I stiffened as a tiny growing petal outside one of the bigger ones caught my attention. The oddly feature frighteningly identical to the one not long ago. I shook my head brushing off the thought. Overthinking's gonna ruin me before the night even began. I walked back outside trying to tuck that little detail in the back of my mind.

"We should probably go now or we'll be late."

It was a quiet ride to Little Venus. I wanted to keep our conversation into a minimum. If we're gonna have a proper talk I prefer doing it inside where we're settled and facing each other. Also, I can bolt without the worry of becoming someone's roadkill. Reed parked close by the entrance. Before I could open the car door, he does it for me. He repeats the action with the main door of the bar. I gave him a weird look and laughed at his behavior. I don't know why he's trying this hard. Reed follows after me as I found us a table across the stage. I survey the area with nostalgia from the last time we've been here. I gulped pushing aside the memories. The only change they've made is adding a stage for a band to play.

Reed ordered us fries and wings with two glasses of beers. He added three glasses of water, one for me and two for him. We spoke about trivial things between bites and threw in some jokes to ease the awkwardness. It was more like an after work dinner with a colleague with the politeness of our tone. Wariness of not knowing where the line draws between strangers and friends.  Just when we seem to run out of topics to discuss, the barkeeper comes up on stage to call for the audience's attention.

"Good evening, everyone! If you haven't already seen the sign posted up on our bulletin board, I wanted you to know that we're letting the audience sing any song of their choice in between hours. Just let us know when you wanna sing so we'll be ready, thank you!"

My hearts skipped a beat after the barkeeper's announcement. A bold idea that I'd most likely back out if it weren't for my current circumstances. "By the way, I'll be going on a trip with Jade tomorrow. I'm not sure when we'll be back but I don't think it'll be that long. I'll update you on how things are going. It's not often I quickly make a friend in a place I haven't lived in long, and I feel bad for just leaving. You've been a great to me and I'm grateful for that," he said. I cut off Reed before he could continue to overwhelm me, "Hey, I'm gonna take that guy's offer and sing up there." That luckily made Reed forget the subject but it looks like he'd want to come back to it. Which, I prefer he wouldn't. Him praising me doesn't help my emotional state. "Really? Wow, go ahead! I'll cheer you on from here, haha." I chuckled at his reaction then went to inform the barkeeper. I took a deep breath before walking up the stage. When the band started playing, I closed my eyes and sing.

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

I sing every word of the song with all its worth hoping that this moment bears itself into him a memory valuable enough to keep, to remember. I slowly opened my eyes and focus on the stage lights, making its brightness a distraction from the turmoil of emotions trying to break free. I'm glad not everyone is paying attention to me or else my shaking form would've worsen. My grip on the mic tightens as the lyrics easily flow out of me praying they reach him.

I can make you happy make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

The sense of the world around me disappears. The lights becoming dimmer, the voices of the audience fading out. Everything becomes a blur as my focus turns to the images of the last few months playing themselves in my mind, a movie that hits too close to home.

Go to the ends of the world for you

To make you feel my love

I look at Reed one last time. The next lyric cutting deep as I stare longingly into his eyes. The sincerity bleeding through each word uttered from my lips. He encouragingly grins at me, unknowing of what he did that was a risk I worthily took in spite of what led us to this moment. The song comes to its end as I my voice chokes out the last line, a single tear tenderly ran down my cheek.

To make you feel my love

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Reed dropped me off after I told him I wasn't feeling well when my performance ended. The car ride home was silent. I bet Reed could tell I was in no mood to talk based on my body language. I patiently walked to my doorstep, every footsteps feeling heavier than the previous one as I got closer. It was completely dark inside the house, and I left it like that feeling no need to turn the lights on. I dropped all my stuff on the floor then unwillingly dragged my body upstairs to my bedroom.

My chest feels constricted followed with a drowsy mind. My eyesight becomes hazy as I fall apart on my bed. The feeling of my body sinking as if drowning in water. Breathing alone causes needles to graciously pierce my throat. Unexpectedly, I hear the symphony of my heart literally breaking. Maybe its my imagination, but it couldn't be when my home is empty in this dead of night.

I haven't screamed like I expected I would. I didn't sob nor a whimper was let out. I embraced everything that's happened as the corner of my eyes feel the pricking of warm tears in the cold atmosphere. The excruciating pain becomes intolerable, but at the same time I couldn't feel it at all. The numbness of it giving me comfort. I accepted everything that's been done. For whatever happened, it's no one's fault but mine. However, this choice I made gave me no regrets. The moon is now hidden by the clouds, causing the room to lose it's source of light. My mind conjured an image of him working with me at the library, calling out my name with a smile on his face. The last thing I felt was the corner of my lips raising.

"I love you."