One Last Time

Chapter 18 | Interval

Till My Heartaches End
KZ Tandingan

- - • - -

Reed and Jade run into each other's arms after getting over their shock. Jade's joyful laughter echoes in the library as Reed spins her around with glee. When he was done, he set her down and stares at her for a moment. He cupped her cheeks, paying attention to every detail of her face like Leonardo de Vinci painting Mona Lisa. He couldn't take his eyes off her. I find it hard to turn away from them, scared of what might happen if I do.

I coughed loudly to grab their attention. They whipped their heads at me, like they forgot I was here in the first place. It felt like a punch in the gut. Jade wiped her tears before striding to me with Reed following behind. I glanced down at their intertwined hands to the smiles plastered on their faces. It makes it hard for me to not make a face. Jade surprised me with a hug, "Maya, this is my ex-fiance I was talking to you about!" she whispered. She let go of me, still smiling. Her words shook me to the bone. I can audibly hear my heart thumping.

"Why do you call Jade by her last name?" I asked Reed.

"It became a habit in college before we dated. How do you guys know each other?"

"We met not too long ago here in the library and became friends. How about you guys?" She looked back and forth between us with sincere curiosity. Reed answered easily, "I actually work here! She's kind of my boss since she own's the place, haha!" Jade's confused expression is clear as day. She blinked a few times the asked, "Then, why haven't I seen you around?"

Reed's calm manner changed to a solemn one. He seems to be thinking how he should answer her question. Instead, I answered Jade for him, "He recently got involved in an accident and lost memory of the last five months. He's here to get some of it back after finding out he's been working with me within the majority of that time." Although I didn't have to, I still cared for him. Knowing the depth of their relationship, she at least deserves to know.

Jade gasped with returning tears at the news I just broke to her. This time, Reed isn't looks away. However, that didn't stop Jade from hugging him tightly. She nestled between his neck and shoulder, crying. Reed hugs her back, "What happened, Carter? Why are you here?" Jade breaks them apart, astounded by his question. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, struggling to answer him. Jade cleared her throat, "Why don't we talk about it over dinner?" He reluctantly leaves us alone, under Jade's request, after agreeing to meet up with her later.

He left. Just like that. As if, everything that took place earlier didn't occur at all. He walked away like there was nothing left for him to do here. How about me? Did he already forget? That soon? Was all of this a lie? If Jade hadn't intervened, would he have acted differently?

When we're completely left alone, Jade squealed in excitement, "Maya, this it! My chance at redemption! I can't tell you how happy I am right now. This means so much to me. My wish came true and I'll be able to have Reed take me back. I'm so glad that we've met!"

~  • + •  ~

I biked straight home after what happened at the library. Finally, I let out everything I've tried to keep at bay, not able to hold them in any longer. I clumsily take off my jacket, purse, then shoes as I go further inside my house. The house feels even emptier than it has been for years. The dullness becoming vividly scaring at this point. My eyesight turns blurry with tears, not bothering to wipe them away anymore. Every horrible feeling I've avoided for the past five years rushed back to me. I tripped on my feet and land harshly on the rugged floor. The taste of blood enters my mouth, probably got a cut on my lip from the impact.

I stumbled upon a framed picture of Reed and I at Wonderland in the corner of the living room. I grabbed it and caress Reed's face in pain. The image of Reed with Jade comes into my vision instead of the picture before me. I crash it to the wall out of anger. I snatched the vase filled with flowers he gave me not too long ago from the kitchen and threw it across the room. I stomped to the cabinet that had a box filled with love letters he wrote to me then tore them apart, ignoring the paper cuts I'm receiving from them. I brokenly trudge over the splinters of glass only wincing, not minding the trail of blood I'm leaving behind as I reach the stairs to my bedroom.

I crashed on my bed and crawl into a ball for my own comfort. Fresh tears fall every second with the harshness of my breath entering my body. I firmly grip my bedsheets as the pain of my beating heart increased minute by minute. Memories I've suppressed torturously comes back as hours passed by. I hit my pillow each time the pain increases. The affliction of my knuckles goes unnoticed compared to what's being done in my heart. My nails dug too deep in my chest, wanting to claw out my heart, that blood starts seeping out. The skin around my eyes sting from the friction of being rubbed to much. The dryness of my throat begins to forcefully muffle my screams. All these pain but none of them overpowering the torment inside. The frustration is making me go mad.

The ticking of the clock follows the rhythm of my disoriented state. I couldn't hear anything else but my silent wails until a loud bang of a door resounded in the room. Ronnie's cries mix with my own as she wraps me in her arms. She tries to stop me but I won't allow it. I pushed her away the best I could. I want her to let me do this. Let it happen. Let it all fall apart like it should be. Yes, let it out and let it end once and for all. The pain becomes unbearable, so I hit my chest with hope it would stop.

To my realization, this is the first time I'm letting my agony take over me. Not stopping myself, not attempting to calm myself down even once. Despite the suffering I've been experiencing, I've never felt so free with myself. Once it started it can't stop. I yelped when I felt a sudden sting to my arm. Then, I blacked out.

I drowsily woke up from my slumber half an hour ago. I haven't left my bed, neither has Ronnie. She lays beside me patting my head while humming to me. Her eyes are as red and puffy as mine. From the touch of the textures of bandages on my hands and chest with the wrappings of my feet, Ronnie must've patched me while I was knocked out. "You're finally awake," she kissed the top of my head before handing me a glass of water. I croaked, "You can say you told me so." She glared back with quivering lips, "I'm scared, Maya. This was worse than the last time. I came in the house to see the wreck you made downstairs. That's a first time for you, Maya. Heck, it's a first for me as well. I heard the ruckus you were making upstairs and rushed to you in panic. You were such a mess. It looked like something I couldn't ever fix. Fortunately for you, I carry around this sedative everyday since the incident with Liam. You're lucky I came just in time, again!"

I teared up, "You have to stop, Ronnie. You know it's inevitable, so just let it happen. I think this is a sign I should give up. It's fine.. I'm ready."