The Art of Being Alone (Together)

26 | My Bowels Want to Kill You

I skip dinner, because if I want to pull off an apology for Lizzie and Zack like the one I have in mind, one that will show them how much they mean to me, it's going to take a lot of work. And I don't have a lot of time.

I spend all evening in the photography building working on my idea until I realize there's only an hour left before curfew. So I power down the computer, gather my things, and for the second time that day, head over to the staff side of camp.

I walk past the main office and into the small infirmary building, where a familiar face is lying on one of the dark green medical cots, watching something on her phone. Mei looks up when I shut the door behind me— I knew she'd be here, thanks to Haru. Hopefully, this will be the last time either of us causes the other any pain.

Mei sits up, her dark hair falling around her shoulders as her eyebrows furrow. "Why are you here?"

Anxiety courses through me, mixed with a longing for the ease of our old relationship. Before, I never would've imagined that seeing Mei would make me nervous— being around her was almost more normal than being by myself sometimes. But now, I haven't had a genuine conversation with her in months, and I'm not even sure how to anymore.

"Because," I say, taking a deep breath, "I owe you an apology."

Her eyes go wide, and she reels back, offended. "You... Are you the reason I'm shitting my brains out in here, the night before the play?" When I don't respond right away, she gasps. "You did something to my dinner!"

"Well, technically no, but yes." I shake my head, not sure why I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be. "Look, I didn't do this for the reason you think— this has nothing to do with the prank war, okay?"

She scoffs and rolls her eyes as she removes her earbuds. "Yeah, right."

"Mei, I promise. And if you're willing to hear me out, you might understand, at least a little."

She glares at me but stays silent and relaxes back onto the cot. Okay, great. She's willing to listen. Now let's just hope I'm right about the understanding thing.

"I was in the fashion building when Rita told you about her plan."

Again, shock falls over her face, but she says nothing.

"I heard everything. You didn't want to damage those costumes, and Rita forced you into doing it. She's desperate, and I figured, if you can't do it..."

"She probably will," Mei finishes for me, her tone neutral.

I nod, averting my eyes to the tiled floor. "I told Ms. Rodriguez about what I think Rita will do. I know she's your friend, but—"

"She's not," Mei cuts me off.

I look up in surprise, but she just shrugs a shoulder, looking indifferent.

"You heard how she talked to me. You really think I'd call someone who treats me like that my friend?"

I stay quiet, not knowing what to think. I saw Rita and Mei together a lot, laughing in the halls or passing notes in class. Was it all a front?

"But I let her treat me like that, so I'm not looking for pity," Mei says, apparently seeing it on my face.

"Why?" I ask, not getting it. "I mean, is it all for Michael?"

Mei shrugs again and looks down at her hands. "That's how it started. Rita basically gave me a choice to become part of her little clique, or she'd drive a wedge between me and Mike. And being part of her group meant... because of your feud with her and all..."

"You had to stop hanging out with me," I fill in the blank that I'd overheard.

She nods, meeting my eyes. "I wanted to explain everything to you. I tried to tell you. But the second you saw me with Rita, you kicked me so far out of your life that I never even got the chance."

The words are like a punch to the gut, and I wish I had somewhere to sit, or something to lean against. I'd never even considered that I was partly responsible for the collapse of our friendship, but she was right. Since the first time I saw her with Rita, I did everything I could to avoid her. I didn't even bother asking for an explanation.

"I guess admittedly, I could've tried harder," Mei continues, "But it seemed like you hated me. And I was scared of being alone so... I stuck with Rita. I never wanted things to turn out how they did, though.

"I mean, ninety-nine percent of the time, I hate Rita too. Occasionally she'll act human, and I'll wonder if there's a real person under all that ruthlessness... then she'll turn around and treat me like she did in the sewing room. But sticking with her keeps her from trying to mess with my relationship, and... it makes it so I'm not alone."

It's almost ironic enough to make me laugh— Mei had the exact opposite reaction to the end of our friendship than I did. While I was busy pushing everyone away, isolating myself as much as possible to avoid getting hurt again, she clung to the first people she could, fearing the uncertainty of being alone.

"I'm sorry," I say, heart aching for what we lost. "I never wanted things to turn out the way they did, either."

Mei offers a sad smile, then scrunches her face and doubles over, groaning in pain. "God! I am an actress, you know— you could've let me in on your plan instead of poisoning me."

I grimace as she pushes herself off the bed. "Right— I'm sorry about that, too."

Mei laughs, shuffling over to a door that I assume leads to the bathroom. "Well... don't be. I thought about it, actually. Faking sick, I mean. But I didn't have the guts, and I was worried Rita would know I was pretending, so... I guess in a weird way, I'm thanking you for this. Even if my bowels want to kill you."

I smile as she opens the door, and I back towards the exit, knowing I need to get back before curfew. "It should be over within the hour," I say as she opens the door. "If that helps."

We share a look of understanding as we part ways, one that's filled with so many memories and good times that I have to wonder if things could ever be like they used to. At the very least, I've learned one thing from all this: I'm not going to let a good friend get away again. Not without trying my best to convince them to stay.