Nightingale | An Avengers Tale

Chapter 35 ~ choices

The cheerful sound of chirping birds slowly pulled me out of a fitful slumber. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. My gaze focused on the sun kissed meadow where I now found myself. Strange. I didn't remember being here before.

I tiredly stood to my feet and glanced around. The field stretched for miles in every direction. I slowly ran my fingers through the bright orange flowers that speckled the landscape. "Where am I?" I quietly whispered in awe. While the meadow was peaceful, there was almost something ominous about it. Something was wrong, very wrong.

"Hello, Princess." Garrett's voice rang out. "It's been a long time."

My heart sank as I slowly turned to face him. "What are you doing here?" I bitterly hissed.

"Your dream." He shrugged. "Guess you must have missed me."

"That's impossible." I quickly blurted out. "There is no way that anyone could ever miss a creep like you."

Garrett chuckled at my outburst. He shook his head as he stared out into the horizon. "I'm glad to see you're just as feisty as ever." He paused. "Still obsessed with finding your family?"

"I will find them." I coldly responded.

"Princess, you wouldn't recognize them if they were standing right in front of you." He laughed. "But maybe that is for the best." He paused. "After all, why would they want you after what you've become?"

"You turned me into this monster." I growled as my anger grew up inside me; it was like a raging lion ready to pounce.

"True." He shrugged. "But you chose to remain this way." A cruel grin spread across his face. "Do I need to remind you of what you did after Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. fell?"

"I didn't have a choice." I sickly whispered as their faces began to flash before me. All the lives I had taken; all the families that had been destroyed because of me. Each death took something from them, but it also slowly took something away from me.

"There's always a choice." His voice grew dangerously  low. "I wonder what Sergeant Barnes would think if he knew that you weren't the innocent little girl he remembers."

"He can never know what I've done." I frantically whispered. He was the one person left that knew what I was before, and that was something I couldn't lose. If he believed that there was good in me, then maybe, one day, I would too.

"The truth has a way of coming out." Garrett sternly replied. "Don't let this fear, this weakness, destroy you."

My eyes opened as I jerked up in a panic. I let out a deep breath as I struggled to breathe. I held back a groan as I began to tremble. The place was always different and yet each dream always ended with Hydra's reminder that I would never again be whole.

I closed my eyes as I tried to remember how to breath normally. Everything would be okay again if I could just remember to breathe. I opened my eyes again to see that the lights were now on. F.R.I.D.A.Y.  Somehow Stark's AI always knew when I was having another breakdown.

"What time is it?" I breathlessly whispered.

"It is 3:00 am, Miss." The AI politely responded.
"Should I notify Mr. Stark you had another nightmare?"

"No!" I loudly exclaimed. "Do not tell of him." I quickly pleaded. "It wasn't that bad this time." On the bright side, I hadn't woken up screaming; maybe there was hope for me yet.

"My estimate is that this has been one of your longer episodes."

"Fantabulous." I bitterly muttered to myself. Glad to know I was not improving. Did this ever stop? It had been years, but then again, killing Jack's uncle had jolted that part of my life back to the forefront of my memories. He had been the first person I had killed I in several years. Maybe that was why things were worse again. That and the fact that Dare was very much alive and looking for me.

And that was when it hit me, metaphorically of course. I had a brilliant idea. Well, it seemed that way at 3:00 am. Everything sounds like a great idea at time. I needed perspective. And there was one person that could offer it better than anyone else.

I gingerly stepped out of bed and tiptoed over to where my phone was charging. I quickly unplugged it and began to dial the number I had memorized and yet been too much of a coward to use.

The phone began to ring. I held my breath as I began to pray he would pick up. "Hello?" Bucky's groggy voice drifted over the phone.

I froze, unsure of what I could say that wouldn't make everything even worse between us. I hadn't spoken to him since the night I'd left, and I couldn't imagine that he was exactly happy with me at the moment.

"Hello?" His voice was louder this time. "Lily?" His voice grew quieter as he waiting for me to say something. "I know you're scared." He quietly began. "But you don't have to go through this alone, not this time."

I bit my lip as I stared at the glowing screen. Garrett's words kept echoing through my head. Bucky would never be able to forgive me for what I'd done. I couldn't; so why should I expect anyone else to?

He let out a sigh. "I can't help you if you won't talk to me Lil." He paused. "But I'm here, and I'll always be here for you. We're a team."

We both remained quiet for several minutes. The only sound I could hear was his steady breathing as he waited for me to say something.

"Sam is making me watch the Harry Potter movies." He quietly continued. "We got into a disagreement about which house we were both in. Turns out I'm a Hufflepuff."

"I'm a Gryffindor." I numbly whispered.

Bucky let out a sigh of relief. "You alright, Tweetie?"

"Every time I close my eyes I see their faces." My voice was barely a whisper. At first I didn't think he heard me, but then I heard him let out a deep sigh.

"I can't tell you that one day it will miraculously go away." He softly told me. "But it will get better."

I remained quiet as I pondered what he it must be like for him. Kobik had only operated a small fraction of the time compared to the Winter Solider.

"Where are you?" He finally asked.

"I'm safe." I softly told him.

"Whatever you and Jack have planned, don't go through with it." He began to warn. "He's working with someone else that's looking for you."

I let out a shaky breath. Jack and I had been close since Project Insight. If he was working another angle, I trusted him enough to let it play out. "I'm with Stark." I paused not knowing if he would be relieved or angry.

"Tony Stark?" He calmly questioned.

"Uh huh."

"Alright." He let out a deep breath. "There's worse places you could be. I heard he has one of the best security systems in the world."

"I got past it."

"You're you." He paused. "You can get past anything if you set your mind to it, including this." He sighed again. "I know you can beat her Lil. Your greatest enemy is yourself."