The First Time

Part 1/2

Fiersha

"Happy Anniversary baby!"

Basa ko sa text message ni Jameson. Napangiti ako ng mapait habang ang utak ko'y natutuliro na sa napakaraming ideyang lumulutang.

Today embarks our relationship to the next level. We are on our sixth year anniversary! Sabi nila, may sumpa daw ang taong ito para sa mga couples. Sabi pa ng iba, sa taong ito raw karamihang nagtatapos ang isang relasyon.

Napahugot ako ng isang malalim na paghinga. My heart keeps on beating fast. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dahilan no'n pero nananatili akong positibo sa gagawin ko.

Ibinalik ko ang aking cellphone sa aking itim na sling bag. I didn't reply to his text and anniversary greetings. I left him with nothing.

Just like I...

will left him later.

Sa loob ng anim na taong pagsasama namin ni Jameson, ni misan ay hindi ito tumingin sa iba. He's been nothing but good and loving to me and my family.

Isang text muli ang dumating sa cellphone ko na nagpahinto sa akin palabas ng building ng office ko.

"Baby, I'm here."

I bit my lower lip while asking myself.

Am I ready to do this?

Am I ready to hurt my first love?

Am I ready to watch him broke into pieces?

I don't know. But I have to do this.

"Bye Fiersha!" Bati ni Marco ng tuluyan na akong makalabas ng main entrance.

I smiled and wave at him.

Habang bumababa ako ng hagdan ay hindi maputol ang tingin ko sa malawak na parking lot. I'm searching for his black eco-sport. The car he bought and worked so hard for.

I remember when he said he'll buy it. Ayaw na niyang maglakad kami at mag commute sa araw-araw na sinusundo niya ako sa office. Sa unang pagbukas ko ng pintuan ng bagong kotse niya three years ago, I found three bouquet of flowers and bunch of chocolates!

I hugged him tight while bursting into happy tears.

I still remember the first time we met. He was my schoolmate back in college. Jameson was the geeky handsome guy that being followed by some girls at the library. Loved at first sight.

I still remember that day when he noticed me at the cafeteria over a muffin that we both like. He let me have it.

I still remember that day when we have the same class and he seated beside me. My heart beats fast.

I still remember the day he started courting me, even if there's some girls prettier and better. I'm like winning a lottery.

I still remember that day when I said "Yes". He makes me the happiest.

I still remember how he always surprises me like he's still courting and trying to win me. I'm his.

I still remember the first time we kissed. It was surreal. I love him.

Mahal kita Jameson...

Sinalubong niya ako habang hawak hawak ang isang bouquet ng puting rosas. He kissed my forehead while whispering I love you in my ears.

I didn't respond.

Kumunot ang noo niya pero hindi niya nalang pinansin ang panlalamig ko. Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto. Pagkatapos kong sumakay do'n ay umibis na siya sa driver's seat.

Tahimik lang ako habang binabaybay ang daan patungo sa restaurant na sabi ko'y pupuntahan naming dalawa. Masaya siyang nagke-kwento ng kung ano-ano habang pasulyap sulyap sa pwesto ko.

Isa pang hininga ang pinakawalan ko bago sabihin ang kanina pang gumugulo sa isip ko.

"Let's break up."

Buong tapang kong sabi. He went pale. His jaw clenched and his expression harden. There I saw my man holding back his tears.

I bit my lower lip.

"What?!" Papiyok niyang sabi.

"I said, let's break up Jameson."

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Ibinaling ko ang tingin ko sa labas ng bintana. Holding back my tears too. Kaya ko ba 'to?

"Fiersha, what are you saying?!"

Pinilit niyang hawakan ang kamay ko para kunin ang atensiyon ko pero iniiwas ko 'yon. Nagmatigas ako. Hinarap ko siya para klaruhin ang lahat.

"Jameson, I don't want to be with you anymore. Hindi ko alam, bigla nalang nagbago yung nararamdaman ko."

Pakiramdam ko'y sisigaw siya anytime. Ni minsan ay hindi ko nakitang ganito ang taong mahal ko.

Am I cruel?

"That's so stupid, Fiersha! Anong nagawa ko sa'yo?! May nagawa ba akong hindi tama? Tell me!"

Sa pagsabi niyang 'yon ay bahagyang bumilis ang andar ng sasakyan. Napakapit ako sa aking seat belt.

"Jameson, slow down! Let's talk about this at the restaurant."

"No, tell me! What have I done wrong?! Nagsasawa ka na ba? O talagang ayaw mo na sa'kin? Sa'tin? May iba ba?!"

"No!"

"Then what! tell me now!"

All my strength are gone as he stepped on the gas again. The last thing I heard was the crashing of metal and broken glass.