Read My Mind

A Legilimen's Biggest Fear

"Knock knock, can I come in?" Fred said, knocking on Buckbeak's room.

"Yeah." Ria was standing in front of the window, staring outside with her arms crossed in front of her chest. Buckbeak's room didn't have glasses, and sometimes at night, when Buckbeak was truly bored of being trapped inside, Sirius would let him sneak out and have a fly.

Ria always likes the soft breeze, it makes her chill but awake at the same time.

"Hey, just checking. You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine." She didn't turn around.

He could only see a silhouette of her, with her long, lushy hair being gently stroked by the wind, and her tense shoulders.

"Did Harry send you?" She asked.

"No, I mean. I just want to come and check on you."

She finally turned around and looked him right in the eyes. Even though he knew she couldn't read his mind in this room, he still felt being scrutinized by her.

"Well, fine. Yeah. Harry told me. I mean--"

"It's understandable. It's weird, why my biggest fear would be you. It would be unreasonable not to mention it to anyone." She finished his sentence for him, against her usual manner of waiting until the person finished articulating their thoughts.

"Well, yeah."

"My father was going to send me to muggles' school, you know. That was his original plan, just to have me far away from everything." Ria started off with something unrelated, and Fred stood there silently, listening.

"But I refused to go to muggle school ever again after my first day--they were reading Little Prince."

"What's--"

"It's just a book, it's quite popular, supposed to be child literature, but I hardly think so. Even till today I can still remember the excerpt we read in class that day." She said, started reciting the chapter.

"The fox was teaching the little boy, what does it mean by 'tame'."

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me — like that — in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day..."

Fred listened quietly, looking at her from across the room. He felt weird, as if she was the fox, waiting for him to approach her, but gradually and slowly.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am!"

Ria stopped, and smiled.

"That sounded, lovely." Fred said, not sure what she meant.

"Yeah? I think it's terrifying."

"Do you know what's a Legilimens' biggest fear is?" She walked towards him, "is to have your own mind being read. To have the other person know you are expecting him, to have your intentions become transparent, to have your emotions being controlled by the other person, and yourself a victim as others to you."

She was now standing inches away from him, and he could feel her a few strands of her hair float as she was walking, and it brushed his arm softly.

"Fred, I like you." She said it without looking at his eyes.

"I know you have never thought of me more than a friend. I know you have a lot of other things to be concerned about. I understand that, I really do. I expect nothing, but as I have said, I hate losing control. I hate having my emotions depending on another person."

Fred didn't quite know what to say, "I think of you as a very good friend...with all your help and you know, everything..." He for sure enjoyed her company. He liked her occasional dark jokes, her admirable intelligence and intellectual curiosity, and her strength and bravery. But as she had said...he had never thought of her more than that.

His brother was right, he didn't know yet. He had seen George and Angelina got...different. They weren't as comfortable with each other as they were before, and Fred mocked his brother for that. "Why can't you just go up and ask her to the ball?" But now, with Ria's words, he started to get it. Being tamed, approaching a person comes with a price, and Fred had yet to learn the ambivalent dance of infatuations and the sweet torture of being enchanted by another person.

He didn't know what to say, and he was afraid of hurting her. He was glad that she would not be able to hear his thoughts right now, which gave him rare privacy.

"It's okay, Fred." She said, as there was a bead of tears sliding down her face. "I will be sad for a while, but it's okay. I will be fine." She gestured for him to leave, and he did.

Ria went back to sitting next to Buckbeak, leaning into his warmth feathers and let him cuddle her with his left wing.

"I'm sad, buddy, and I'm sad for liking him." She finally burst into tears. She didn't want this. She didn't even know when it happened. When it becomes a habit of being around him, thinking about him and his silly experiments, hoping she could help in making his dreams come true. Since when did she start expecting to see him every morning waiting outside her door to scare her, even though he rarely succeeded, but he sure enjoyed the few times when Ria was too distracted or disoriented due to her poor sleep quality. Since when she made it a habit of waiting for him to deliver her dinner and for her to act like a condescending princess.

Fred Weasley is like the sun. He's always there, always present, always positive and radiates warmth. And she was hopelessly drawn to him even though she knew it's never going to happen. He needed someone like him, who had also grown up under the sunlight, not her, who have spent her whole life hiding under rocks like a mole. She knew his type, soon he will find some tall, athletic, out-going, energetic, and willing to take risks with him. Not her, she was just the person waiting in the corner when he occasionally needed some support.

They had never talked about that, and no one had ever mentioned it. Ria was surprised to realize Harry had kept it as a secret and didn't share it with anyone. If anything Gloria Lectus is good at, she is very good at pretending. Pretending she didn't hear other people cursing on her, pretending she didn't hear the boy cheating on his girlfriend, pretending like nothing had happened between her and Fred. Well, nothing had happened indeed.

They spent the rest of their summer in the house, keep making progress on their latest inventions. And soon it came the day that they needed to return to Hogwarts.