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Chapter 16- Leo's POV

Cat was fading away before my very eyes. The baby drained every last ounce of energy from her body, energy which was already in short supply since the chemotherapy was postponed. They couldn't continue with the procedures now Cat was pregnant, there was too high a risk of harming the baby. And on top of that, her depression came back. I don't know if the term 'came back' is really true, I guess it's always been there. Just lingering in the back of her head, dormant, waiting to pull her into the shadows again. From time to time I noticed her absently tracing her wrists with her finger. I knew what she was thinking about, but I wouldn't let her do it.

She hardly slept. Most nights I would lie awake beside her and she'd be crying. She never woke me, I stayed up of my own accord. To make sure sure she was alright, if that could even be said. She cried silently, at least for a few hours, and then finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.

She wouldn't eat either. She'd been surviving off of fresh orange juice, unable to keep anything else down.

She was dying, that much was obvious. But what would kill her first is the question; the baby, the depression, or the cancer.

"Hey," I said softly, perching beside her blanketed form on the sofa. She stared straight ahead, eyes watery. I reached out, brushing a loose strand of hair away from her face. She turned her head slightly, dull blue gaze meeting mine. Dark circles ringed her eyes. I felt my heart break all over again.

"Hi," she answered weakly. She leaned her head into my hand. I forced a smile.

"How are you?" I asked tentatively. She shrugged, gaze returning to the blank TV screen. "I'm worried about you."

"I know," was all she said in response. I sighed heavily, taking my hand away. She glanced at me briefly as I bent over, staring down at the floor. I had to keep myself together.

"Do you want to go out somewhere? Get some fresh air?" I suggested pointlessly. She scoffed.

"I can barely move from the couch, Leo," she said. The coldness in her tone stung me.

"Okay, I was only suggesting..." I muttered. She sighed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that," she said. "I'm struggling. And I'm scared. Fuck I'm so unbelievably scared, all the time. I'm scared that one day I won't wake up and I won't win this war with depression or this fight with cancer and I won't be here to raise our kid. I'm scared I'm going to die and never see you again. And I don't want to hurt you like that."

I looked up at her. She was staring directly at me, tears flowing silently down her cheeks. I'm at a loss for words. How can I reassure her if I can't reassure myself?

Wordlessly, I bent down to give her a soft kiss. I tasted the salt of her tears in my mouth. Her hands shook as she gripped my shoulders. I pulled away slightly, but only enough so I could look down into the eyes I had fallen in love with the first day I met her.

"I'm never going to let you go, okay?" I whispered. She closed her eyes, sighing slightly. I could feel my heart physically breaking. "I love you so much. I'm going to stay with you through this whole fight and I will be there at the end when you win. I'm in love with you, Cat. I am in love with you."

Her breath came out unevenly. "I love you too," she mumbled, without opening her eyes.

~

I could feel Enrique watching me from across the training ground, evidently scrutinising my performance. For the third time that morning I had failed the shooting drill; three times more than normal. Bravo looked back at me pityingly from the goals, removing his gloves to begin separate training with the goalkeeping coach. I dropped my gaze to the grass, hands planted on my hips. My performance was deteriorating as Cat's health was.

"Leo, come here."

Enrique gestured to me to join him at the stands. I made my way towards him, trying my best to ignore the burning stares of my team mates. They all worried about Cat, she was part of the family here.

"I'm sorry," I apologised instantly. Enrique gave me a sad smile.

"I know things are tough with Cat," he began, clasping his hands as he pulled down a seat from the first row. "So that's why I've been giving you some leniency regarding your work. Generally if you had been performing like this with no acceptable excuse, I would have all but put you up on the transfer market straight away. You know that. But I still need you to try. I know you're trying your best. I can see it in your face, you've hardly slept. So these next few upcoming games, if I don't see a slight improvement, you'll be on the bench. Still part of the squad, but not starting."

"I think that's fair," was all I could say in reply. Enrique looked at me for a moment, seemingly contemplating something else to say. He shook his head.

"How is she?"

"Worse."

He nodded. When it was obvious nothing else was to be said, he waved me away. I rejoined the session, numb to any emotion.

Someone placed a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was Xavi without even having to look up. "I'm sorry," he said. I just grimaced.

The two of us set off into a jog with the rest of the team, my mind absent from the moment and thoughts of a life without Cat threatening to crumble my being.

I couldn't lose her. I just couldn't.