Fighting Love

Chapter Twenty Six♠

Self Inflicted pain hurts ten times worse

TRISA'S POV

I watched my friends carry on for days, purposefully ignoring my existence. I knew what I had done was selfish, but It conflicted with me whether it was tough love or that they were his friends more than mine. Regardless, I commissioned myself to study for the exams, hoping to pass. The administration allowed the leniency of pushing back my exam dates, but I declined the thoughtful gesture.

Burying my head into books was the perfect way to force myself from wallowing in guilt and self-pity. Now and then I cried myself to sleep, thinking about all the sour lemons life had thrown at me. My dorm became the only place I wanted to be, even though it didn't help much, since Troy's belongings surrounded me. I slept in his shirts and cuddled his pillow, desperately trying to feel close to him again. Some nights I forced my eyes out of shutting, hoping to catch Troy when he gets in, but sadly, he never came.

I woke up alone. Random thoughts bombard my mind. It was the first day of exams and I was only half prepared. I dressed in a black T-shirt, jeans, and a pair of Nike Revolution, and left for the Entrepreneurship exam. I strolled through the halls and into the lift, nodding absentmindedly to the music playing in my ears. After a few minutes, I entered the classroom and took a seat at the extreme back. Upfront, the petite invigilator tore open big brown envelopes and removed stacks of white booklets, piling them onto her desk. Half of the students I started with were absent. I never noticed how every month the class would entertain less of us.

"Sorry, are you Trisa?" A girl asked.

I paused the music and faced the Indian beauty. She wore a pink Sari and natural makeup. "Uh, yes why?" I wondered. I couldn't tell if she was always a part of the course or if I just never noticed her.

"Because you are very brave to break Troy Wilson's heart," She smiled and leaned to hug me. "Thank you, thank you."

It baffled me why she would be thankful to me for the horrible act. Every time I heard how I broke Troy's heart, I felt like a terrible person. This girl was thanking me for that. "Why would you thank me for that?" I asked harshly.

She retired from the hug and replied, "He is a bastard womanizer who hurt ladies."

I flinched at her statement as rebellious words erupted inside me, but hesitated to respond. I wasn't sure if I still possessed the right to lash out on someone for badmouthing my man. Even though Troy didn't openly break up with me, I knew I used up all my chances. "Oh," I reacted, faking a smile that quickly turned into a scowl the moment she returned to her seat. "Don't fucking talk about him like that," I grumbled to myself. A few seconds later, the dirty blonde occupying the seat in front of me handed me the last booklet.

"You may begin," The invigilator announced over a microphone. Right away, sounds of pens being grabbed from desks filled the room as everyone shuffled to start the exam.

"Dear God, renew my memory, bless my pens, and send your angels to assist me," I prayed quietly, then flipped open the booklet and began reading the first question. I struggled to finish the test, and by the time the two-and-a-half hours were over, my fingers were numb and a headache had set in.

"Five minutes remaining," The invigilator's soft voice blasted into the microphone and broke the silence. I closed the booklet, deciding to not look over my answers. It was even pointless to try as I barely answered everything. It would be a miracle to pass the course.

After giving the booklet to the blonde guy in front of me five minutes later, I gathered my belongings and headed toward the next exam space.

This was the last one for the day, and I became timid when I remembered Troy would be there. Sure enough, when I pushed the glass doors open, he was. The only available seat was right next to him, and I dreaded his reaction, although it was the perfect moment to get his attention.

"Hey, Troy, where have you been?" I turned to him after sitting.

He veered around, looked me up and down with a scowl, then resumed his position staring into space.

"Troy?" I called again. This time I gently slapped his arm.

Instead of acknowledging me, he shuffled to the far end of his chair.

"I'm sorry." The words barely left my lips, but I knew he still heard as he flinched but still didn't respond. I wanted him to listen and hear me out. I wanted him to know I only pushed him away because I was scared of him leaving. That all the love he felt for me was reciprocated, but he turned a deaf ear, ignoring my presence. "Troy, are you..." I began, but he abruptly stood from his seat and scrambled toward the doorway behind us.

"Mr. Wilson, the exam is about to begin," professor Hamilton called, after noticing Troy about to leave.

"I will do it after," Troy told him, and disappeared into the hallway. Did he suddenly hate me so much he couldn't even acknowledge my apology? Pain pierced my heart as I sat before the exam booklet. It was official, I was going to fail the course and lose the scholarship. Even though I was good at math, I couldn't concentrate on the problems, nor could I remember any of the formulas. If I knew this was going to happen, I would've taken the new exam dates.

Teardrops filled my eyes, as the problems on the paper resembled the predicaments I inflicted on myself.