Scars From The Past

CHAPTER 1

to the girl who's also the reason why i wrote this, i hope you heal your wounds and learn how to forgive....

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A sound of a ticking clock and a dripping water from the tree outside, caused by the rain.

A cold air that touches my whole body from head to feet. I hate this feeling, I want to feel some heat.

I looked at the clock, '2:38 a.m'... again? It's been years since it started. Or maybe it already started since the very moment my mother gave birth to me?

Maybe because i was too sweet and innocent.

Sometimes it feels like living a life full of lies is better than knowing anything at all. Sometimes I feel like forcing myself to be numb would help me to not feel any kind of pain again.

A life full of anxiety, stress and health issues is lame. But compare to the life of a pretending-to-be-cool kid? being negative is way more better.

Ellie, that's my name. Third born. Have two sisters, older and younger and have a brother.

I have friends. Counted friends. 8 i guess? No. 6. 2 of them are my best friends.

Always thought that i have tons of friends, so many that i couldn't count them. But i was wrong.

Friends will never betray you no matter how hard the situation is, but those so-called friends of mine did.

ugh! whatever, they're dumb anyway.

For the nth time, i'm still fucking awake. Overthinking. Trying to forget things. Forcing myself to not feel anything. Doing weird things at 3:00 a.m.

No words in the dictionary or thesaurus can explain how fucked up my life is nor how much i hate it.

People might call me a psychopath when they hear my story-- i guess i'm a psychopath myself.

I told lies about my story. Some of them believed it, some of them did not, others tried to keep it from themselves, and some people spread rumors about it.

Everyone who knows my story criticized and slut shamed me, most of them did it behind my back. Who knows? Nothing of it is true anyway. The story is true, yes. But the reason behind it is not.

Who would have thought that a fourteen years old's life could be this messed up anyway?

'Nice things and good manners starts with the family not in the school', they say. What if the family is the main reason why you are not good?

I sighed. Trying to get things off my mind.

After this, i'll fall asleep again then i guess i will wait til' the night comes. Nothing new, typical day.