illusions

Laughter

As I put our dinner plates on our wood kitchen table, he begins to speak.

"I got fired today..." He whispers in embarrassment.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay.. As in okay. You got laid off, everything is gonna be alright."

"But that's 1,500$ gone each month."

"So we can't spend as much."

When I go to grab our drinks he grabs my wrist, and gives me a worried look.

"Everything is going to be fine. We just can't spend as much. It's alright baby." He squeezed tighter. Really tight.

I winced.

"You don't know that." He said letting go a little.

"Well you don't know that everything will turn to shit either."

He stood up to my level.

"Shut the hell up." His voice boomed throughout the apartment.

My eyes watered up as I smelled the whiskey in his breath.

"I'm not even hurting you." He scoffs.

"You got fired. Big deal. That doesn't mean that you can go drinking and be violent." I say blinking away any evidence of tears.

He pushed me against the wall. "You know you like it. You kinky bitch." He started kissing my neck but I shrugged him off.

"Stop."

He kept going...

"Stop."

He stops. However he is not done. He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. He pins me against the sheets.

I scream.

His hands are gripping my wrists and his dick is just above my stomach. In this position I have no chance of getting away.

I open my mouth and try to scream again but he kisses me before I get the chance.

"I don't like this. Please stop." I whisper (pathetically.)

"Stop fucking lying; you totally do."

"Please.. Your hurting me."

Whap.

My face stings from his slapping me. I close my eyes as tears flush in.

I can tell he's staring at me; in shock that he just did what he did. I open my eyes and our eyes lock together. He puts his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry." He whispers.

But I can't answer. I am scared to death right now. He's never drank or been violent. And when I looked into his eyes... the thought of power slowly filled them. I don't know what's happened.

"This is when you say something back dumbass."

"It's.. It's okay. Could I have a few minutes to myself please?"

"Why?"

"I just wanna change."

"Well... it's not like I haven't seen you naked before, so why does it matter whether or not I'm in here right now?"

I sigh, "Yeah your right."

"Aren't I always?"

I laugh. But it's not a real one. I don't think I'll ever be able to laugh again or even smile. I think today is only the beginning... that my days to come will be far worse.

"What if this goes on for more than a few days? What if it's weeks? Months? Years? No..... Honestly you'll probably be dead before it hits years." These are my inner thoughts talking now...

I know that these thoughts are just the truth. I know I'm not strong enough to leave him. I know that I don't have to strength to call the cops or tell anyone about the abuse.

I'm stuck now; with no escape.