Trip to France - Troyler

Anxiety and Worry (Ch 18)

Tyler's POV
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We'd managed to find our back to the hotel with little to no trouble, and by that time it was 8:00pm. We spent an hour or two doing whatever and then decided to go to bed early.

It's now morning - 8:30am - and I'm awake, but Troye isn't. Our legs are intertwined, and Troye has his head on my chest and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I absentmindedly rub circles on Troyes back lightly my index finger, thinking about this trip so far.

It's our fourth day in France, and our - meaning mine and Troyes- relationship has already reached new levels.

We sleep in the same bed all cuddled up, and I hate being away from him for any amount of time.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to say goodbye to him at the end of this two week trip.

All of the sudden, I have the overwhelming urge to pee. I mentally groan, knowing that I'll have to leave this warm bed and Troye to go to the bathroom, but I'm busting.

I carefully untangle myself from Troye as to not wake him up.

I make my way to the bathroom, making sure to grab my glasses or else I'll be practically blind.

I close the bathroom door behind me.

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Troye's POV
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I wake up slowly, reaching out blindly for something that wasn't there.

What did I want - no, need?

Right.

"Tilly?" I murmur, realising that Tyler isn't next to me like he usually is.

He doesn't respond.

I open my eyes quickly and sit up.

"Tilly?" I look around the room. He isn't here. Where'd he go? "Ty? Tyler!?"

Did he leave me? Did I do something wrong? I think back to last night. I must've done something wrong, or else he wouldn't've left.

I feel tears fill my eyes. I start to cry. Why? Why am I crying? I try to stop, but the tears are falling fast. I let them fall freely, and my mind starts thinking of reasons why he left without telling me.

All of the theories come down to one thing - no matter what Tyler says, he doesn't like me. He thinks I'm ugly, he thinks I'm immature, he thinks I'm just some annoying teenager he has to put up with.

I let out a sob and bury my head in my legs. What if everyone thinks how Tyler thinks? What if no one likes me? They probably just all pity me, feel sorry for me. I bet I don't really have any real friends.

I begin to shake and my heart starts racing.

"TroyeSivan?" I hear a voice say. "Troye!" The voice sounds alarmed now. I hear footsteps, and the feel a hand rest on my back.

"Troye? Troye, what's wrong? Look at me! Troye?" I look up and face the person. My vision is blurry from the tears, but I think I see some blue hair. My eyes glaze over...

---
Tyler's POV
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Troye lifts his head up to look at me, and his eyes glaze over. Then they roll back into his head.

He's having a panic attack!

"Troye," I say, trying to stay calm, for his sake. "Troye, it's okay, everything's alright. You're okay. Calm down."

I grab one of his hands and put it on my chest, hoping against all hope that my heart beat wasn't racing, that it was still normal.

Troye can't stop breathing this time, I won't know what to do.

I feel my heart speed up, so I try to calm down again.

"Troye, feel my heart beat. Try to make yours match mine, okay? That's right, calm down," I say, gently, willingly him to stop shaking, to calm down, to be okay. I put one of my hands over his heart as well.

"T-Tilly?" Troye stammers out, his heart beat slowing down.

"Yes, it's me, Tilly. I'm here, it's okay. Calm down," I says, rubbing his back in what I hope is a comforting manner.

Troye stops shaking, and his heart rate goes back to normal, beating in sync with mine.

He looks at me again, the tears still pouring from his eyes.

I remove my hands from his back and chest, and place them on the sides of his face. I use my thumbs to wipe away the tears.

"Don't cry, it's okay, I promise," I say soothingly.

Troye wraps his arms around me tightly, still sobbing. I hug him back, nearly crying myself.

"S-sorry," he sobs. "I w-woke up and you w-weren't here and I t-thought you'd l-left and then I st-started to p-panic and-"

I cut him off, hugging him tighter. "Ssh, you don't need to apologise. It's okay, if you're okay."

Eventually, he stops crying, and pulls back from our embrace.

He manages a weak smile. "Wow," he says. "I'm really managing to screw this trip up, aren't I?"

"No, not at all," I say quickly. "You can't help your panic attacks, Troye. And if anyone is managing to fuck this trip up, it's me Troye, not you."

Troye instantly shakes his head, and we both start crying.

"We're a mess," I sob, hugging Troye again.

"At least we're a sexy mess," Troye says, trying to lighten the mood.

We sit there in each others embraces for a while, before we decide to get ready for the day.

After double checking that Troye's okay, I grab some clothes and head to the bathroom, wincing when I catch sight of my red and blotchy face.

I sigh, and put my clothes on.

I'm worried that I won't be able to help Troye next time - and what if he gets a panic attack when he's back in Australia, and I'm not there to help him?

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A/N: *cricket noises*

Um... yeah.

Okay.

That's that.

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Xx - JJ

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