I glanced at her, a smile curved on her lips while her attention is on her phone. A smile that I used to love.
I smiled but it wasn't a sign of happiness.I took a deep breathe to stop myself from shedding of tears.
"Not this time and not in front of her"I thought to calm myself. I just smile again to hide my real emotion. I heard she chuckles like something is amusing on her phone, maybe it's him that she was interested in.
"Ginusto mo 'yan di ba?"my mind says.
Ginusto? Yeah right. Oo nga naman ginusto ko 'to. Di ba?Kaya anong karapatan 'kong mag-emote?. I agreed on her na maghiwalay na kami. But who am I kidding?Sarili ko? Siguro nga. Masyado ko siyang inisip. Masyado kong inisip ang kapakanan niya, kaya kahit labag sa loob ko ang desisyon na 'yon, pumayag ako.
Kasi kung hindi baka masakal lang siya sa relasyon namin. As if, saying and recalling those words on my mind would ease the pain that I've been feeling right now.
"Malapit na pala tayo," she said with her usual cheerful voice.
It seems like she's over the moon...
Tumango ako and I concentrated myself in driving.
while I am here right now, encaged by the darkness of lonely night.
I don't know, but I want to burst into tears right now. Right in front of her,and beg for her to stay with me.I want to... but para na rin akong naging makasarili kung gagawin ko iyon.
I don't want to be a selfish...
"What's with the silence?,"she asked. "'Di ka naman gan'yan"
I made a fake smile. She know me well but... it was back then.
What did you want? Ask you about your new one and give you a goodluck of happily ever after.
"Nagda-drive ako"I said.
She was about to say something but the sound of her phone cut her off.
"Sasagutin ko lang 'to"
Bakit kailangan mo pang magpaalam?
Why are like that?Naging manhid ka na ba?Bakit hindi mo makita na nasasaktan na 'ko. Nahihirapan.
"I love you"she whispered.
My grip tigten on the steering wheel.
Napalingon ako roon.She used to said those words on me, before.
I love you
Yeah. I know that now, it's not for me. But my mind kept on saying na "Baka pwede pa. Siguro pwede pa ulit. Baka pwede pang ibalik sa dati."
Maybe we can try again
She smiled. "Sorry for the call"
"No problem"
Sorry?Again? Yeah. Sorry, those 3 words that you actually said to me noong nakikipaghiwalay ka na. Para bang maalis ng sorry na iyon ang sakit na nararamdam ko. Na para bang may magagawa ang sorry niya sa nararamdaman ko.
I didn't cried in front of her that time.
They say that man should not cry in front of anybody.Hindi dapat nagpapakita ng kahinaan ang lalaki.
"Napasalamatan na ba kita?"she asked
"Saan?"
"Sa lahat?"
I didn't answer.
"Thank you sa lahat-lahat, Evril. Masyado kang maraming nagawa para sa akin. Kung iisa-isahin ko iyun baka kulang ang isang taon. Pero gusto ko uli' na mag-sorry."she stop for a moment. "Alam ko masyado ka ng naririndi kakasorry ko. Pero kung pwede lang hindi ako titigil na banggitin iyon"
I stopped the car. Sana di mo na lang 'yun sinabi. Mas lalo lang akong mahihirapan.
"We're here," I said.
"Thank you ulit. I guess this is a final goodbye?"
Ngumiti lang ako. "I hope you'll accept this," I handed her a piece of rolled paper that embellished with sky blue ribbon.
"Ano 'to?"
"One of my spoken poetry piece"
Bumababa siya ng sasakyan.Pinanood ko kung paano s'ya umalis, hanggang sa maglaho siya sa paningin ko.
Next thing I knew, I already broke into tears. I tried to stop myself but I can't. Hindi ko pala talaga kaya. At the same time, It feels like my heart shattered into pieces. Na para bang walang kahit ano nakakabuo uli' noon kundi siya lang.
If oneday you came back ,I'll still accept you with open arms because I really do and badly love you despite of the heartaches.
I will wait for it no matter what.Even though it will take a hundred years.
Lumuha-luha man ay patakbo akong lumabas ng sasakyan. Tinahak ko ang daanan na tinungo niya, nililingon pa ako ng nakasasalubong ko. It was like, it's their fist time na makita ng taong umiiyak, at wala akong panahon para roon. Muntikan pa akong madapa. I was about to run as fast as I can, something caught my attention. Lumapit ako roon sa basurahan. Halos manlabo na ang paningin ko dahil sa luha. Mapakla akong napangiti. She throw what I gave to her, at ang mas masakit pa parang ibinasura na lang niya iyong nararamdaman ko.
