This Town

Chapter 4 - butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you

To the girl in the city
in the yellow scarf
winter's gone
this is spring
it is time
for changing things

●●●

 Walking inside her new house, the one she shares with Matthew, Camila takes a glass of water in the kitchen, her head going back to the awkward conversation she had with Shawn earlier. As much as she wanted him to come back, she knew things wouldn't be the same between them, however her mind can't stop going back to their interaction.

 Looking at him made countless memories come back to her, but one specific day hadn't left her mind. She walks to the bedroom and opens the second drawer of the dresser, where she keeps some of her winter clothes. She searches for a bit until finding the soft yellow material under a black coat. She wasn't sure if it would be there at first, maybe she had left at her mother's house, but it was too important for her to leave behind.

Camila and Taylor walk to the bus stop side by side talking about Taylor's new purple nail polish. They just started the second half of the school year after winter break and will be attending high school in a few months. Camila stayed the night at Taylor's house since they live in the same street, but the main reason is because her father came back again after a year away. He always does that, gets tired of them and leave, but then comes back pretending to be father of the year. Those are the times she stays more at her friends houses, specially Taylor and Shawn, whose mothers are really nice to her.

 " Are you okay, C?" Taylor asks after noticing how quite Camila is.

 " Yeah." She says smiling at Taylor's new nickname for her. " Look, the bus is coming."

 They walk inside to find Alessia and Shawn by the end of the bus, both sitting by the window with their backpacks saving the seats next to them. Taylor sits next to Alessia, while Camila sits next to Shawn, but when Brian finally gets in, there are no seats available. Shawn pulls Camila to his lap so Brian can seat next to them and she feels herself blushing. He's been doing things like that a lot lately, making her wonder if he's just being friendly or something else.

 " Sorry, is that okay?" He whispers so the others won't hear it, but he can see them smiling at the the two.

 " Yes, I don't mind." She says looking at him with a smile.

 She feels his arms going around her waist as she rests her back on his chest, which makes her warm. When it's time to get out, he holds her hand and she feels her heart skip a beat. He couldn't like her, could he? She's just one of his best friends, he would never see her like that. As they walk to the school's building, Shawn stops, his hand still holding hers, their friends ahead of them.

 " I have something for you." He says taking his backpack and looking inside. " My mom made it, but I chose the color."

 Camila looks curiously at him, trying to understand why would he give her a gift if they still had two months until her birthday. He takes out of a small plastic bag a yellow scarf, knitted by his mother in Camila's favorite color. He places it around her neck and pulls her hair up, adjusting the material.

 " Shawn, this is beautiful. Thank you so much." She says touching the material with a smile on her face. " But it's not even my birthday."

 " I know, I just don't want you to get cold." He says looking down at her, even at thirteen he's already a lot taller than her.

 She feels like crying when he says that, but instead she just hugs him tight. Shawn is the only one of her friends she told about how her mother is struggling financially, since all her father does when he comes back is drink and yell at them, not even trying to get a job to help. She didn't want to tell anyone, but once winter arrived Shawn noticed how she would always get cold because she didn’t had warm enough clothes for how strong the weather became. Everytime she would go to his house, he would give her one of his coats. She had about three of them in her room and for Christmas Karen gave her a warm red coat and a beanie on the same color.

 Looking up into his hazel eyes, Camila knows for sure that whatever she feels for this boy is way more than friendship, but she doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. Isn’t thirteen too young to already feel like this about someone? She knows her friends have crushes on boys, but this not just a crush. This is Shawn and she knows that no matter what, she’ll love him forever.

 As she sits on the bed holding her old yellow scarf, Camila wonders if it’s okay for her to still feel like that ten years later. She knows she should be mad at him for leaving her behind, but that’s not how she feels at all. Sometimes she feels like she’s just too nice. Both Taylor and Alessia had already expressed their discontent for how Shawn left things, saying that even though they love him, they don’t think he deserves Camila's forgiveness that easily. But what could she do? She loves him to a point where she just wants him to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include her.

 Hearing the front door open and Matthew’s voice coming from the living room, Camila quickly gets up and puts the scarf back in the drawer. She doesn’t even know why she’s hiding it, it’s not like he’ll know the meaning of that specific piece of clothing for her, but deep down she feels guilty. She jumped so fast in this relationship with the british lawyer in attempt to finally erase Shawn from her heart, but now she knows that’s impossible. He has her whole heart, even if he doesn’t feel the same anymore.